Godless by Pete Hautman

Wigglesworth’s is crowded and noisy with people sucking down a variety of icy beverages. I find the First Keeper, the First Acolyte, and the High Priestess sitting in the big back booth. Magda is chatting away. She has Dan and Shin hypnotized; they’re mooning at her like two dogs looking at a bag of treats. I slide in next to her.
    â€œWhere’s the High Priest?” I ask.
    â€œHaven’t seen him,” Magda says.
    Shin and Dan give me puzzled looks.
    â€œI’m sure he’ll be here soon,” I say.
    Dan says, “What High Priest?”
    â€œHenry.”
    â€œHenry Stagg?”
    I nod.
    â€œSince when?” asks Shin.
    â€œSince the day before yesterday.”
    Nobody says anything.
    I say, “He showed me how to climb the Ten-legged One. I had to make him High Priest.”
    Shin is giving me a stricken look, but I won’t meet his eyes.
    I say, “He’s not such a bad guy.”
    Shin says, “He hates me.”
    â€œNo he doesn’t.”
    â€œHe’s
evil
,” says Shin.
    Magda says, “Maybe if we were all nicer to him, he’d change.”
    â€œI don’t think you can change a guy like Henry,” Dan says.
    â€œWell, I think he has potential,” says Magda.
    I shrug. “Whatever—he’s a Chutengodian now.”
    â€œSpeak of the devil,” Dan says in a low voice.
    We all turn to see Henry approaching. He is wearing his usual jeans and boots, and a T-shirt from a rock band called Suicidal Tendencies. He stops a few feet away and looks us over suspiciously.
    â€œThis is it?” he says. “I thought you guys’d be dressed up in robes or something.”
    â€œWe’re quite informal,” I say.
    â€œIs this everybody? I thought there’d be more.”
    â€œWe’re still seeking new members.”
    â€œWhat about Mitch and Marsh?” Henry says. “I bet they’d join up. Bobby too.”
    â€œThose guys?” Dan makes a sour face.
    â€œI’m not sure they’d fit in,” I say.
    â€œWhat’s that supposed to mean?” Henry asks.
    â€œThey’re morons,” Shin says. “In case you hadn’t noticed.”
    Henry turns on Shin, his face tight. For a moment I’m afraid he’s going to go Neanderthal, and I tense up, ready to jump between them. But Henry freezes, then his knotted face loosens into a grin.
    â€œSince when does being a moron disqualify a guy from worshipping a water tower?” he asks.
    â€œWhen the church elders say so,” I say.
    â€œIsn’t that antimoron?”
    â€œI’m afraid it is. Chutengodians discriminate against morons, terrorists, and intelligent fish.”
    â€œWho are the church elders?”
    â€œYou’re looking at them.”
    Henry shrugs and slides into the booth next to Dan. “Whatever,” he says. “I just hope we don’t get in trouble for fish discrimination.”
    I’m surprised by how different Henry seems. This is not the sadistic, dangerous Henry who punched me in the face. It is not the serious, bookish Henry who talks about sci-fi novels. It is not the confident, tower-scaling Henry. This Henry is outnumbered, a little suspicious, and he wants us to like him.
    Shin is still giving him a weird stare. Henry notices, but chooses to ignore it.
    â€œOkay,” I say. “We’re here today to talk about tonight’s Midnight Mass…. What is it, Magda?”
    â€œIf it’s at midnight, wouldn’t it actually be
tomorrow’s
Midnight Mass?” Magda is giving me an innocent, supposedly confused look. Because she is sitting next to me, her face is only about twelve inches from mine.
    I say, “What I meant was, the Midnight Mass that is to take place at midnight during the period of darkness which will begin tonight and last until tomorrow morning.”
    â€œThat’s what I thought,” she says, grinning.
    â€œWe’re