House of Cards by K. Pinson Page A

things may never be the same as everyone is telling me they were and I don’t want to lead her down that pathway. Picking her up just to let her down? Yeah, that's just not my style. Not to mention, the last time I saw her, I said some pretty messed up shit and treated her like she was some one night stand of mine. She probably doesn’t even want to see me. If my memory would just fucking return to me, life would be grand, but instead I’m just dragging on by.
    I sit down at the end of the dock, allowing my feet to dangle over the water , and lift my guitar easily into my arms. I’m still having a hard time playing and that’s tearing me up more than anything. There’s a song stuck in the back of my mind, but my brain won’t send the right signals to my useless fucking hands. So here I sit in the silent dull of the world, contemplating how in the hell to get my spark back.
    I’m missing something and I just can’t remember what. I stand up quietly, raise my acoustic over my head , and smash it into the dock, sending shards of shattered wood along it and into the water. I feel a little bit better now at least. I'd feel a lot better if life would stop kicking me in the ass though.
    I try to contemplate how I should handle all this. Should I just go to her and explain everything? Should I even take a risk at all or just leave well enough alone? It’s hard to know because as much as I wish I could, I can’t remember her and I don’t know what she would want me to do. It hits me almost instantly; an idea to just go back to my normal routine, of which I need to find out the real truth from my friends and family. If I can get back to what I was doing, where I was working, whom I was hanging out with prior to the accident then maybe I have a real chance of actually remembering. I am tired of this walk-on-egg-shells-around-Daxton bullshit. I don’t know who the fuck devised this plan, but it only makes me feel more stressed out. I know everyone means well, but it’s time for me to take the reins back. I stand up, brush off my ass, and set off walking in the direction of Grams. It’s there that I’ll find the answers that I need. She’ll help me. I think at this time that she’s the only one that can.
     

Chapter 13:
    I’m ready for a breakdown
    Avalynn’s POV
     
    This feeling has become all too familiar to me. It’s been seven months, twenty-eight days, two hours, and forty seven minutes since my heart was shattered into my chest. I haven’t had interaction with Daxton since that day; I can’t face him. I’ve let him down, myself down, and Abby down, by not fighting for us. Everyone keeps telling me that’s what’s best for his health and eventually his memory will come back on its’ own. At that point, will he even choose us? He’s been with Krissi most of the time or so I’m told. People make it a point to keep me updated on his everyday dealings even when it pains me to hear it, and I’m glad. I would hate to run into the two of them without any knowledge of them being together.
    I’ve become pretty useless to the world around me. I am working on it though, slowly but surely. I still don’t know how that girl can live with herself every day knowing what she did to Daxton pre-accident and still pretending that everything is okay and they were together before the accident happened. Bullshit, they haven’t been together in years. I wonder if he even knows. A huge part of me wants to write him an anonymous letter or just go to him and let him know the truth, but I know it will confuse him and I don’t want his health to decline because of it. It really sucks knowing there isn’t a damn thing I can do without potentially hurting him, even though it’s hurting me, excruciatingly so, every god damn day.
    I’m sitting here contemplating how to go about living without him in my life when she appears out of thin air. I don’t think much about it because it seems like I pay attention to nothing around me