In Favour of Fools: A Science Fiction Comedy (These Foolish Things Book 1) by J Battle Page B

through; so that’s what I did.
    Now, I know this was an alien planet, with all sorts of remarkable new experiences available to me, but the thing that hit me first was the smell. I might have expected the scent to be made up of all sorts of exotic fauna and flora; with the smell of an unknown sea, with the grit from an unclimbed mount range, or maybe the sweet aroma of a giant exotic orchid; or maybe the sky would be turquoise.
    But all I can say about my first impressions of this new planet was that, unfortunately, wherever you may be in the Universe, I think I’m safe in saying that cow manure always smells the same.
    The human population of OK was less than one hundred thousand; the bovine population was over twenty million, and rising all the time. Those burger joints take some filling.
    The Squirtport building squatted alone at the end of a long dusty road. Cube-shaped and white; it could have been dropped from on high; maybe it had.
    The land nearby was green and luscious, rolling gently away towards the distant hills. The summits of the hills were dusted with the shadowed forms of trees, and a river could be seen in the middle distance, running parallel to the road. Between the river and the hills, there were perhaps a couple of thousand cattle, resplendent in their mottled coats and masticating equanimity.
    (At last they let me do a bit of description. People don’t like descriptions, they said. But, it makes a difference; don’t you think? N.F.)
    After a couple of minutes enjoying the scenery, I decided it was time to find Strange. I might not have liked him, but he was all I had. A couple of hundred metres from the Squirtport, a string of low buildings began, continuing along the road for quite some distance.
    When I reached the first building, which appeared to be some sort of stable, going on the noises from inside, I could see that the road ahead was empty. I didn't want to get involved in an interplanetary game of hide and seek with him so I just called out his name, trying not to sound petulant, or desperate. I waited for a second, and then the large wooden door to my left swung open.
    With considerable snorting, mostly from the horse, Strange rode out on to the road on an impressively large brown horse. With a practiced flick of his wrist he persuaded the beast to swing round and face me.
    ‘Really?’ I asked.
    ‘It’s the only way to travel here.’
    ‘But, I don’t ride,’ I protested.
    ‘Don’t worry. Your ride is coming now.’
    I turned then to see what manner of creature I would be riding.
    ‘What! You expect me to ride a donkey!’
    ‘It’s not a donkey. It’s a mule.’
    ‘It looks like a donkey. Why can’t I have a horse?’
    ‘The mule is more economical. It’s a far better animal for our needs than a horse.’
    ‘You ride it then.’
    ‘I need the bigger animal to carry my weight.’
    He jerked his reins and began to trot along the road. I turned to the mule. It had its head to one side and avoided my eyes; I could see why it might be embarrassed. It was broad and squat, and it couldn’t seem to make up its mind about what colour it was. Parts of its coat were dull brown, other parts were shiny red, and some parts just didn’t fit any palette I’d ever heard of.
    ‘Can I at least have a saddle?’ I called into the stable’s dim interior.
    ‘He doesn’t take to the saddle,’ a croaky voice replied. Then a smelly old horse blanket was thrown at my feet. ‘Try that.’
    I picked up the blanket and looked at the Mule. Then I looked over to Strange, disappearing in the distance on his magnificent beast.
    I wanted to go home.
    I threw the blanket over the animal’s broad back and slung my bag over my shoulder; that was the easy bit. Then I had to work to how to get onto its back myself.
    ‘I’ll take your bag for you, Sir.’ The croaky voice interrupted my considerations. ‘Mr. Strange said you’d handle the booking of the room.’
    ‘We’re staying in a