KISS THE WITCH by Dana Donovan

Huh?”
    “ I need you focused, Tony.
I cannot have you burping and farting and whatever else you do
after eating. Now go shower.”
    “ I have to
shower?”
    “ Tony.” She planted her
hands on her hips like she does when she’s standing. Only it looked
funny now because she was sitting crossed-legged, buck-naked on the
floor. “Do you have to give me such grief?”
    “ No, I was just
saying….”
    “ Please shower. Use the
soap in the dish on the sink. It is all-natural. Wash in the
hottest water you can stand. It will open your pours. Then rinse
thoroughly in the coldest water you can stand to close them up
again. You hear?”
    “ Yeah, I hear.” I started
toward the bathroom.
    “ And no shampoo. No cream
rinse, no deodorant, cologne, nothing. Don’t even towel off. As
soon as you finish showering, come straight out here.
Okay?”
    “ All right, I will.
Sheesh.”
    I went into the bathroom and shut the door.
Three yellow candles burned atop the vanity, but I found myself
flipping the light switch out of habit just the same. The light did
not come on. Lilith had thrown the main breaker in the basement.
She is a stickler for ambiance you know.
    After getting the shower to just the right
temperature, I stripped down and hopped into the tub with Lilith’s
all-natural soap–the stinky damn thing. I don’t know where she got
it, but I sure hoped she would pitch it after the night’s ceremony.
It smelled like burnt rubber and peat moss. Worse yet, it lathered
like old sea foam after a winter’s storm–fluffy but thin with
bubbles rimmed in a brownish looking sludge. It made me glad I had
not eaten after all.
    I washed myself well, making a point to
clean especially good behind the ears, back of the neck, etc.,
expecting Lilith might want to check my work later.
    Once done, I set the shower valves to cold
like Lilith said. I knew she would not ask me about it. She could
hear me yelp, as the cold nearly stopped my heart and stole my
breath away. I crawled out of the tub feeling like a frozen fish
stick. Desperate, I reached for a towel and found that Lilith had
surreptitiously removed them while I was showering.
    “ Lilith!”
    She opened the door and came in. “You
ready?”
    I crossed my arms at my chest and began to
shiver. “I need a towel. I’m freezing.”
    “ Nonsense. You’ll be fine.
Come on. We have to get started.”
    She hooked my elbow and led me out into the
living room. I saw Ursula there, standing by the bookcase, her
posture casual, uninhibited by her nudity. It struck me odd how
reserved she is in daily life, her dress markedly conservative
compared to Lilith’s, her demeanor bashful. Yet her attitude for
all manner of witchcraft proved undeniably open-minded. I would
stake half of Carlos’ fortune and say that if it were not for the
nature of what we were doing, Ursula would be mortified if I saw
her without clothes.
    I still had my arms folded to my chest, but
I gave her a wave with fluttering fingers and smiled at her
reassuringly. “You okay?” I asked.
    She smiled back. “Aye.” She pointed
curiously. “Art thou injured?”
    “ What?”
    Lilith leaned into me and whispered. “I
think she’s talking about your frightened turtle.”
    “ My what?”
    She stepped back and looked down at my
obviously very cold appendage. “Little Tony?”
    “ Oh, God. Please, what the
hell. I just took a freezing cold shower. Lilith, tell
her.”
    “ Forget it,” she said.
“She’s marrying Spinelli. She’ll figure it out. Come on. Let’s get
started.” She picked up a carafe-sized bottle of yellowish liquid
and handed it to Ursula. “You do me,” she said.
    “ Aye, `tis with pleasure,
sister.”
    “ Wait,” I said. “What is
that?”
    “ Olive oil,” Lilith
answered. “It’s part of the cleansing ceremony.”
    “ Is she going to drink
it?”
    Both laughed at that. “No, silly. The
anointment process is part of the cleansing ceremony. She’s going
to dress me in it.”
    “