Larry Goes To Space by Alan Black

I’ve never said such foolishness in my life.”
    “No. It wasn’t you. It was Grandpa and he raised you the same way you taught me, so don’t you go all twitchy on me. Now, I don’t have much time since I have to leave in the morning, but what can I help you with?
    “Serendipity, son,” Dad said.
    Larry’s father liked to find the good in things. He loved it when things came together of their own accord. Mom always said it was God’s willing hand, but Dad was fond of serendipity. It was serendipity when you wanted apple pie for supper and Grandma made pies for the church bake sale with one pie left over for you. It was serendipity when the neighbor’s bull got loose just as your cow went into heat. It was serendipity when your car broke down just as the corn crop came in and your mechanic had a hankering for a mess of corn on the cob.
    Dad continued, “Your cousin Gary Junior is in a jam.”
    Larry wanted to say something. Everything with Aunt Nola and her kids went into the crapper the day they found out about Uncle Gary’s other wife and family. He held his tongue. Dad was extremely protective of his baby sister Nola and her brood. Mom literally sat on him to keep him from hunting down Gary Senior with his shotgun. Not figuratively, she actually sat on his chest for an hour until he calmed down.
    “Of course I’ll do what I can in the time I have left,” Larry said.
    “That is the serendipitous thing, son. You don’t need to be here to help. Did you know that Gary Senior gave Gary Junior his house and some acreage as a wedding gift last year? No wait, that doesn’t matter. Anyway, it seems Gary Senior named another of his sons from his other wife after himself, too. So there are two Gary Juniors running around. The other one filed a suit against your cousin, claiming Gary Junior’s place is his since the names all match. A judge issued an injunction against Gary Junior’s place. Lock, stock, and barrel are all held in a receivership until the matter can be settled. He isn’t even allowed to do the hay cutting, and it’s ready to be cut. The court is going to hire someone to cut and sell it. Then they’re going to put the money in a bank and give it to whoever they decide has it coming after this is all settled. And dang his hide if Gary Senior is nowhere to be found to settle it. All he would have to say is which son he gave that place to. I’ll bet you a dollar to a fart in a windstorm that he’s off with wife number three and another Gary Junior.”
    Larry wanted to laugh, but his father was upset. Larry could hear people in the background at Dad’s house. Mom was yelling at Dad to watch his language. Grandma was yelling that someone had better come help her with the dishes. Grandpa was yelling because — well, that was just what Grandpa did these days.
    “Dad, you couldn’t write this stuff in a novel. People just wouldn’t believe it.”
    “Danged if that ain’t the God’s honest truth.”
    “So, what do you need?”
    “I don’t need a thing, son. But Nola doesn’t have room at her little place for Gary Junior with all of her other kids running around. He came here, but we don’t have room either. I know that we have a three-bedroom place, but your Grandpa can’t sleep in a room with anyone else anymore. So, you see where this is going?
    “Yes, sir. Gary Junior is more than welcome to stay at my place. He and his wife…”
    “Marcy,” Dad supplied.
    “Yeah, my apologies to Marcy. They would be welcome in my home even if I didn’t have to go out of town.”
    “I know that, son. So does Gary Junior. He should be able to look after your place while you’re gone. And even tho’ he’s an ignorant dirt farmer like your old man, he does know stock enough to look after your critters. Speaking of that, Ol’ Bucky is here. He was down at the McDonald’s place again. That poodle of theirs is in heat — again. They called me to come get him. You might try to tie him up for a