Last Act in Palmyra by Lindsey Davis Page B

funeral rites might be our own … A strange people,’ Chremes stated.
    This sort of comment normally produces a silence. Adverse remarks about foreigners make people remember their own folk – temporarily convincing themselves that those they have left at home are sensible and sane. Nostalgia seeped into our circle gloomily.
    â€˜If you were all about to leave Petra,’ Helena asked thoughtfully, ‘why had Heliodorus gone for a walk?’
    â€˜Why? Because he was a constant menace!’ Chremes exclaimed. ‘Trust him to lose himself when we were set to leave.’
    â€˜I still think you should have identified him formally,’ I told him.
    â€˜Oh it will be him,’ Chremes insisted airily. ‘He was the type to inflict himself on an accident, and at the worst possible moment. Just like him to die somewhere sacrilegious and get us all locked in an underground dungeon. Having dozy officials argue for years about who caused his death would have struck Heliodorus as a fine joke!’
    â€˜A comedian?’
    â€˜He thought so.’ Chremes caught Helena smiling, so added instructively, ‘Someone else had to write the jokes for him.’
    â€˜Not creative?’
    â€˜If I told you exactly what I thought of Heliodorus it would sound unkind. So let’s confine it to, he was a shabby, shambling dissolute with no sense of language, tact or timing.’
    â€˜You’re a measured critic!’ she answered solemnly.
    â€˜I try to be fair!’
    â€˜So he won’t be missed?’ I enquired quietly.
    â€˜Oh, he’ll be missed! He was employed to do a certain job, which nobody else can undertake –’
    â€˜Ah, you mean no one else wants it?’ I was speaking from experience in my own career.
    â€˜What was it?’ Helena asked, with the light, careless inflection of a girl whose close companion needs to earn a crust.
    â€˜He was our jobbing playwright.’
    Even Helena sounded surprised by that. ‘The man we found drowned had written plays?’
    â€˜Certainly not!’ Chremes was shocked. ‘We are a respectable troupe with a fine reputation; we only perform the established repertoire! Heliodorus adapted plays.’
    â€˜What did that entail?’ Helena Justina always asked the direct question. ‘Translations from Greek to Latin?’
    â€˜Anything and everything. Not full translations, but pepping up turgid ones so we could bear to speak the lines. Modifying the story if the cast did not suit our company. Adding better characters to liven up proceedings. He was supposed to add jokes, though as I told you, Heliodorus wouldn’t recognise a funny line if it jumped up and poked him in the eye. We mainly put on New Comedy. It has two painful disadvantages: it’s no longer new, and quite frankly, it’s not comic.’
    *   *   *
    Helena Justina was a shrewd, educated girl, and sensitive to atmosphere. She certainly knew what she was risking when she asked, ‘What will you do about replacing Heliodorus now?’
    At once Chremes grinned at me. ‘Want a job?’ He had an evil streak.
    â€˜What are the qualifications needed?’
    â€˜Able to read and write.’
    I smiled diffidently, like a man who is too polite to say no to a friend. People never take the hint.
    â€˜Marcus can do that,’ Helena put in. ‘He does need a job.’
    Some girls would be happy just to sit under the stars in the desert with the love of their heart, without trying to hire him out to any passing entrepreneur.
    â€˜What’s your trade?’ Chremes asked, perhaps warily.
    â€˜In Rome I am an informer.’ It was best to be frank, but I knew better than to mention my imperial sponsorship.
    â€˜Oh! What are the qualifications for that? ’
    â€˜Able to duck and dive.’
    â€˜Why Petra?’
    â€˜I came east to look for a missing person. Just a musician. For some