Leap by M.R. Joseph

little stomach bug. With my ear pressed to the door, I hear him tell her it's not necessary to come home. I’m fine. She’s probably giving him shit but he uses the dead dad card and begs for sympathy for his mom. Mack tells my mother that Jocelyn needs this time away and to please show her some fun. She must agree because I hear him tell her that he will call her in the morning with an update on how I’m feeling.
    Way to go, Mack. Always knowing how to handle my mom. And I’m once again grateful for Mack coming to my rescue.
    Showering quickly is not an easy feat, especially when you still feel like the drugs you were administered without your permission linger in your system. When I finish rinsing my hair and exit the shower—sitting on the sink is a fresh pair of my pajamas and a cup of tea. Mack must have snuck in while I was in the shower and placed them there. The boy is always thinking. And so am I. The image of the way Mack looked dressed in his tuxedo reverberates suddenly as I stand wiping the moisture off the mirror in front of me. I’ve never thought of Mack as anything other than a brother, but something about the way he looked that night—I don’t know why I can’t get his image out of my mind. I’m not ashamed to admit I was attracted to the way he looked. I’d actually be a blind fool to think of Mack as not attractive.
    I look at myself in the mirror and study my appearance. It’s smudged like the glass I’m staring into. The empty feeling returns to my belly as quickly as it disappeared. I see the way my eyes look. No amount of hot water and soap will ever make me feel clean. I shudder at the thought of being touched when I shouldn't have been. I’m so stupid. I’m so silly. I thought Mark liked me. I thought it was my personality. I thought it was everything he said that he liked about me. My eyes, my laugh, my smile. Lies. All lies. My tears return to my swollen and barren eyes. I’m not worth it for someone just to want me for me. For someone to look deeper into me, at who I am rather than what's underneath my clothes. I feel a burning begin on my newly cleansed skin. It starts from my feet and travels up towards my neck and this feeling makes me start to shake, and I can’t breathe. No air is inside my lungs. No matter how I try to suck in air, there is none. I gasp and strangle out a cry to Mack. I can hardly hear myself, but he does. He rushes in. The door hits the wall and he wraps his arms around me.
    “Can’t breathe.” He cups my face and searches my eyes. I stare at him as I try to have air enter my burning lungs.
    Only a towel covers my body as he picks me up under my legs and carries me to my bed. He lays me down and covers me with two blankets immediately because my shaking is not under control.
    He tucks the blankets in around me, creating a makeshift cocoon around my flesh. He runs his hands up and down where my arms are covered.
    “Jesus, Rinny. Please stop shaking. What’s wrong? Why are you shaking? Please, tell me. You're scaring me. Please.”
    He pleads with me to tell him what’s wrong, and I can’t answer right away. My teeth chatter, my heart races, and a lump is in my throat and no matter how many times I try to swallow it down, it just won’t go away.
    “Ma, ma, make it go . . . go away, Mack. Ma, make it stop.”
    My eyes are shut so tight I see stars, and the trembling doesn’t subside until I hear Mack’s voice beside me. I feel his breath in my ear and the warmth of his body next to mine suddenly. His arms encompass my body and try to still my body. My face comes in contact with what feels like his chest, and I cry. I weep. I scream through my tears.
    “Shh . . . Rinny. I’m here. I’ll make it stop. I’ll make it go away. Whatever it is, I’ll make it go away. I won’t let go. I’ll never let go.”

    I don’t remember falling asleep. I wake up somewhere between the end of a dream and the awakening from a restful sleep. I’m tangled in heavy