Life Is a Serious Business by Anne Butler Page A

lovely futon. May I sit down?
    It’s really comfortable, please join me.
    Why don’t you take off your shoes.
    Well, I never, You are wearing odd socks. I’m very impressed.
    I like a man who knows his own mind.
    Just look at the view and the stars.
    Would you excuse me for a moment?
    There is someone else I need to speak to.
    There you are Granddad in the Dining Room.
    What’s that? Where’s everyone?
    Well, Junior is in his room studying classical composers,
    the children are watching a classic Mum likes,
    Mum is taking time out, Dad is viewing the universe from a
    different angle and Granny, well you know Granny,
    she’s quite content.
    What do you mean “What is the world coming to?”
    Don’t knock it, Granddad,
    You are the one nearest the drinks cabinet.
    Speaking of which, why don’t we have a drink before we start?
    Oh alright, Granddad, purely for medicinal purposes.
    Junior, we all know you don’t drink at home,
    you can have a diet coke. Granny, you’re fine aren’t you?
    Dad, if you think I am going to traipse all the way
    up to the attic with a beer...
    Would you mind Junior, you have youth on your side?
    By the way would you knock on the bathroom door and
    see if Mum would like another glass of wine.
    Trust me Junior.
    I know nobody smokes but just in case you feel like one later.
    Would it be possible to do one more thing for me before we start?
    At this rate it will be three o’ clock before we start.
    Who said that?
    Well, thank you for reminding me to check the alarm.
    Now where was I before I was interrupted?
    Oh Yes, I may have waxed lyrical in some instances
    but what I couldn’t put into prose I put into poetry.......

R OLE REVERSAL
    I never do the Lotto and never gamble,
    Because I know the odds are stacked.
    One day, some years ago, visiting home,
    Dad said,” I bought a ticket today,
    For the local GAA.”
    â€œHow much?”
    â€œOne hundred pounds,” he replied.
    â€œWhat! You cannot be serious!
    Don’t you know the odds are stacked?”
    â€œWell you know the old adage,” he shrugged,
    â€œIf you’re not in, you cannot win.”
    Two weeks later, raffle results,
    Guess who wins?
    Were you ever lost for words?
    Now I occasionally do the Lotto,
    But never gamble,
    Well, nearly never!

F OOTBALL FASCINATION
    What is this fascination with football?
    The six –year- old in our house loves Ronaldo,
    The nine- year- old will entertain no other profession,
    Than to make his mark and millions performing.
    Not a bit like adults really.
    On the other hand, what better way to do or say:
    Than work together as a team,
    To strive for the ultimate goal,
    Through hard work and sweat and tears
    And having fun along the way?
    What more could I wish for?
    And the millions might help.

O UT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES
    Why do children never wear what we like?
    â€œWhy don’t you wear that nice skirt
    I bought you in Sweden”---
    â€œNo.”
    â€œWear one of those lovely dresses
    you got for your birthday”---
    â€œNo.”
    â€œWell, what will you wear?”
    â€œI want to wear my school tracksuit.”
    â€œBut it is worn and it is the school holidays.”
    â€œNo, I want to wear my school tracksuit!”
    Why, oh why will children never what We like?
    Same day, by chance I see the shoes I’ve always wanted,
    Expensive, but they say poverty is only in the mind.
    Who are these
They
?
    My bank manager might disagree, buy them anyway.
    Returning home,” Do you like my new shoes?” I ask.
    â€œNo.”
    â€œThat’s okay, because I like them.”
    Next morning, unable to decide,
    High shoe, left foot, new shoe, right foot,
    â€œWhich shoe should I wear?” I think aloud,
    Not realising two pools of blue are watching.
    A voice of innocence replies:
    â€œWear the ones I don’t like, Mummy. “

S TAY AT HOME
    They say I should stay at home with my