Life Is a Serious Business by Anne Butler

I NTRODUCTION
    I never read the introduction. Do you?
    I always think it has nothing to do with the contents.
    But what are you doing home?
    I thought you would be out with your friends.
    You’ve been grounded. That seems a little unfair.
    Maybe Mum and Dad misunderstood.
    Gosh what a lovely room. I see you like Ronaldo.
    What a co-incidence.
    What music do you like? I love Meatloaf. He’s so raw.
    I’m still trying to develop a taste for Kesha,
    But maybe you could enlighten me another day.
    By the way I notice you are wearing odd socks.
    Good for you,
    I love an independent thinker.
    Could you do one thing for me before we start?
    Thank you, you are so kind.
    Even if you don’t like some of my offerings,
    I would appreciate if you didn’t refer to them as gross,
    That is, unless in terms of the profit.
    What? You are not too familiar with the term gross profit?
    Gosh you really are an innocent.
    What have they been teaching you in school?
    Why don’t you ask Mum and Dad.
    They will be so delighted that you are taking an interest
    In the business they will forget all about the little
    misunderstanding.
    Trust me Junior. What have you got to lose?
    Oh, one more thing, take a look at the poem entitled
    The Generation Gap,
    I have hidden nine classical composers in the first verse.
    You are clever, you should be able to unravel them.
    There I have given one away already.
    Have a go and I‘ll just pop down to the kitchen
    to speak to Mum.
    Don’t worry I’ll be back.
    Oh there you are Mum. How did I know you would be
    in the kitchen?
    Listen, we have a little to do to get organized.
    I need your undivided attention for a while.
    Do trust me on this one.
    The baby is just fed so he won’t bother us.
    The children are a little trickier.
    We’ll let them watch a DVD in the Sitting Room.
    No, the Lion King is too tame.
    Ben Hur is three hours long.
    That should keep them occupied.
    Remember the chariot scene? All that muscle.
    Just this once let them have popcorn,
    crisps and cans of coke in the Sitting Room.
    What no cans in the Sitting Room?
    No Mum, you cannot give the nine year old
    the baby’s training beaker.It’s not cool.
    I have a suggestion.
    You know the milkshakes you buy and end up taking home
    as they only take one sip?
    Yes, those cups you wash out
    and hope they will be useful some day?
    Well perfect, so are we agreed?
    Where’s your partner?
    He’s in the garage. What’s he doing there?
    Creating. Oh that’s fine. He’ll be ages.
    The cat? Sorry I don’t have one I can’t help you there.
    The dog? He’s new so I’m not so sure.
    Let’s just put him in the utility room.
    Now Mum, I was going to suggest we stay in the kitchen
    but it’s a bit too familiar.
    Let’s go into the bathroom. What lovely foam bath!
    I’ll turn on the taps. Try the lavender pearls.
    Why don’t you get in and I’ll run down to the kitchen
    for a glass of wine. Oh go on.
    Shall we? Why not? I’ll be back in a minute.
    Granny is that you?
    I popped down to get Mum a glass of wine but listen
    I need to speak to you.
    Are you comfortable? Why don’t I light the oil burner?
    Will lavender be okay?
    No, Granny not lemongrass, I don’t want you too alert.
    Nice nail polish.
    What colour is it? It’s Mum’s but she doesn’t use it.
    Why ever not?
    She cannot reach. She’s eight months pregnant.
    Why doesn’t she ask the creator in the garage,
    he might surprise her.
    Granny will you excuse me please.
    I have to go into the garage.
    Hello there. What are you doing?
    It really is lovely but it’s not very comfortable in here is it?
    Why don’t we go up into the attic.
    I need to be alone with you.
    Now don’t protest I know you told the planning authorities
    it was converted storage space but this is me remember,
    I’m not going to tell anyone, honestly.
    Gosh these stairs are steep.
    What a