Lost to You by A. L. Jackson

through the crowd, twisting and turning as I did my best to avoid both eye and skin contact, and fumbled my way through.
    Thank God the bathroom was empty.
    I shut the door behind me, and leaned against it. Raising my face to the ceiling, I expelled a weighted sigh into the reprieve of the bathroom. Music vibrated through the walls, though it was dimmed and dulled.
    What the hell am I doing ? It was ridiculous to feel this much discomfort. It wasn’t like I wasn’t surrounded by these same kind of people in my classes, that I didn’t sit by them every day, or that I really thought bad about any of them. And I wasn’t normally this insecure girl who cared about prying eyes or what anyone thought of me.
    Awareness pressed into my senses. I refuted it. Internally denied it. But its truth screamed in my ear. An unfound possessiveness rapid fired from my nerves, spun and wove a web around my heart, and the jealousy I’d felt earlier beat a steady song within the confines of my chest.
    I forced myself to move to the sink and splashed cool water on my face. It struck me again, and I gripped my hands in my hair.
    Shit. Shit. Shit.
    I was never supposed to allow myself to feel this way.
    Straightening, I looked up at the misery that awaited me in the mirror.
    What the hell was I supposed to do now?
    Someone banged at the door. “Come on...you’re not the only person here.”
    Sighing, I steeled myself and headed out, ducking my head when I was met with the scowl on the face of the girl waiting on the other side of the door.
    “About time.”
    I didn’t acknowledge her, just brushed by with my attention trained on the ground. The hall was dark as I hauled myself forward and worked my way back through the throng. All I wanted was to find Christian and ask him to get me out of here.
    A foreign hand pulled at my arm as I passed, and I spun around to one of the guys Christian had introduced me to when we first got here. Max? Yeah. Max. “Where you goin’ so fast?”
    I yanked my arm away, hating his obvious perusal. “Just looking for Christian.”
    “Right.” The guy laughed in his stupor. “Well, if you can’t find him, you know where to find me.”
    Ugh.
    Why was Christian so into this?
    Pushing forward, I came to a stumbling standstill on the outskirts of the living room.
    Because I knew why. I always had.
    Christian had moved into the living room. Even from here, he crowded my space. His presence slipped over my skin, penetrating, invading everything. He held me in a way no one ever had, in a way I knew was impossible for anyone else to.
    He leaned with one shoulder on the wall while some girl with long brown hair nearly climbed his body, inching up to whisper something in his ear. His head tilted back, and I caught a flash of his gorgeous face before he leaned back into her.
    This was why he was here.
    An ache unlike anything I’d ever felt pierced me all the way to my core.
    I wasn’t angry with Christian. He’d never tried to hide this from me. Had never lied and had never promised me anything. And the little he’d asked me for, I’d immediately shot down.
    It didn’t mean seeing him here, like this, didn’t hurt like I’d been thrown into the deepest, most excruciating pit in Hell.
    I couldn’t be here.
    Turning, I fled. I shoved through the heated crowd. They mumbled and stared as I forced them out of my way. I couldn’t bring myself to care about how rude I was being. I tore out the door. I didn’t bother to wait for the elevator. Instead, I grappled with the metal latch and flung the stairwell door open wide. My footsteps pounded on the cement stairs, echoed in my ears as labored breaths panted from my mouth.
    With burdened feet, I stumbled outside. Cool air clashed with my flaming skin, and I bent over and tried to catch my breath.
    Stupid, stupid girl . I’d been a fool for allowing this to happen.
    I pulled out my phone, typed out the easiest excuse I could find, and pressed send.
    Then I ran from