Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 05 by Away Laughing on a Fast Camel Page A

I’m, I’m…”
    I’m what? The Count of Monte Cristo? Stupid? Wearing false lips? What???
    Mark said, “I’m sorry, I apologize.”
    Blimey O’Reilly’s trousers. Then I noticed he had a swelling on his mouth and a split lip. Cripes, was his mouth expanding even more, like the Incredible Hulk?
    He said, “Do you accept my apology?”
    How weird was this? I felt like I was in a film. One of those really old-fashioned films where everyone wears pantaloons. Like Gone with the Wind . Maybe I should say, “Why sir, thank you kindly for apprising me of your feelings. I do declare I have never seen tighter pantaloons!!”
    But I didn’t get into the film thing because Mark is not the brightest button on the cardigan. I said, “Er…yes, well yes.”
    As he shuffled off, Mark turned round andsaid, “Will you let your mate know I’ve been round?”
    â€œWhat mate?”
    â€œYou know, Dave.”
    Then he went off.
    Wow!
    And three times wow. In fact wowzee wowzee wow.
    What had Dave the Laugh done?
    9:15 p.m.
    Phoned Rosie and told her.
    She was very impressed; she loves the smack of violence.
    She said, “Hmmm, my kind of guy. It’s a good job Sven wasn’t involved; a boy at a party I went to pushed into the loo line ahead of me and Sven threw his trousers into next door’s garden.”
    â€œWhy would Sven chuck his trousers into next door’s garden? Was it a fit of pique?”
    â€œGeorgia, he threw the boy’s trousers into next door’s garden…and the boy was still wearing them.”
    â€œSacré bleu.”
    â€œMais oui.”
    9:35 p.m.
    In theory and especially given my special relationship with Jesus I am against violence. However, there is a time and place for everything, and I think Dave biffing Mark is one of those exceptions that make the rule.
    9:40 p.m.
    It slightly gives me the Horn, actually.
    Unlike Cousin James, who unfortunately has arrived. He is reading Tolkien’s The Hobbit and goes on and on about it.
    He said, “It’s very interesting, but did you know that even now people go on a pilgrimage to Tolkien’s grave and they speak in Elfin.”
    James has a bit of trouble with the word “interesting.” In fact sad sacks chatting in Elfin over some dead bloke’s grave is not “interesting,” it is “stupid.”
    Still, at least he is reading rubbish and not trying to play tickly bears with me.
    midnight
    What is it with boys and elfs?
    thursday march 17th
    Phoned Dave the Laugh and thanked him vis-à-vis the duffing-up incident. He said, “It’s a pleasure, gorgeous.”
    But he didn’t say “see you later” or anything.
    saturday march 19th
    At one time I had boys snogging my ears and so on, and now I am alone for the rest of my life. How did that happen? How come I have peaked already?
    11:00 p.m.
    Started a letter to SG.
    Dear Robbie,
    It’s raining here and we are doing a crap play about some Scottish fools who…
    11:30 p.m.
    I can’t talk about school to him, otherwise he will remember that I am still at school.
    friday april 1st
    all fools day
    You are not kidding.
    friday april 8th
    I have tried to write to Robbie so many times, but the sadness is that I don’t have anything to say to him. He doesn’t want to be my boyfriend and I just have to accept it.
    I am going to take down my shrine to him.
    11:00 p.m.
    Mum came in after I had taken down my shrine and she caught me crying.
    She sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked my hair, which is normally a killing offence but it’s all scrubbled up and greasy anyway. She said, “I’m sorry, love, I’m sorry you are so upset, but you will have fun again and you will have nice boyfriends because you are lovely and funny and my darling daughter.”
    That made me cry more.
    Then Libby toddled in and came up on the bed beside