Love Virtually by Daniel Glattauer

anymore. It really hurts when you split up. I don’t want to split up from Marlene again. Mom liked her. My mother’s dead, she was unlucky. It’s very different from how I thought it would be. Part of me has died with her. I’ve only been aware of it since it died. My mother wasn’t that interested in me, just in my little sister. And my dad emigrated to Canada and took my older brother with him. I fell somewhere in between. I was ignored. I was a quiet child. I can show you photos. Do you want to see photos? I was always Buster Keaton at carnival time. I like silent, sad, funny heroes who can make faces. Come over, let’s drink another glass to us and look through carnival photos. Shame you’re married. No, it’s a good thing you’re married. Would you cheat on your husband, Emmi? Don’t do it. It hurts so terribly to be cheated on. I’m already a little drunk, but my head’s still clear. Marlene cheated on me once. I mean, once that I know of. You take one look at Marlene and you know that she’ll cheat on you. I’m putting that all behind me now, Emmi. Here’s a kiss. And another kiss. And another kiss. And another. Whoever you are. I long to be close. I don’t want to think about my mother. I don’t want to think about Marlene. I want to kiss Emmi. Excuse me, I’m a bit drunk. It’s all behind me now. I’m off to bed. Good night kiss. Shame you’re married. I think we’d be good together. Emmi. Emmi. Emmi. I like writing Emmi. Left middle finger once, right index finger twice and, two rows above that, right middle finger. EMMI. I could write Emmi a thousand times. Writing Emmi is kissing Emmi. Let’s go to bed, Emmi.
    The next morning
    Subject: Hi
    Hi Leo,
    How’s your head?
    Lots of love from Emmi
    Two and a half hours later
    Subject: (no subject)
    Are you still wondering how to explain to yourself and, more to the point, how to explain to ME last night’s emails? You don’t have to, Leo. I liked all those things you came out with; I really liked them, in fact. You should get drunk more often, you become a much more emotional person: very open and forthright, tender, even bordering on ardent and passionate. This unbridled side suits you! I’m honored that you wanted to kiss me so often! So please write to me. I badly need to know what you think about all this. You always try to rein yourself in when you’re sober, quite different from the Leo who’s unleashed when he’s a bit drunk. I hope you didn’t throw up.
    Three hours later
    Subject: (no subject)
    Leo???? Why aren’t you writing back! It’s not fair, and it’s a real turnoff. It smacks of a man who in the morning is not willing to stand by what he whispered into a woman’s ear the night before, when he was drunk on love. It smacks of a pretty typical, pretty average, pretty dull man. But it doesn’t smack of Leo. So will you please write to me!!!!
    Five hours later
    Re:
    Dear Emmi,
    It’s now ten o’clock. Do you want to come over to my place?
    I’ll pay the taxi fare. (I live on the edge of town.)
    Leo
    Almost two hours later
    Re:
    Whoops! Dear Leo, it’s now 11:43. Are you still dreaming, or are you asleep? If not, I’ve got a few questions for you:
    1) Did you really want me to come over?
    2) Do you still want me to come over?
    3) Might you be “a bit drunk” again?
    4) If I came over to your place, what do you think you and I might do?
    Five minutes later
    Re:
    Dear Emmi,
    1) Yes
    2) Yes
    3) No
    4) We’ll see what happens.
    Three minutes later
    Re:
    Dear Leo,
    1) O.K.
    2) Right
    3) Good
    4) We’ll see what happens? Whatever happens is always what people want to happen. So what do you want to happen?
    Fifty seconds later
    Re:
    I really don’t know, Emmi. But I think we’ll know the moment we meet.
    Two minutes later
    Re:
    And what if nothing happens? Then we’ll just stand