Matt Christopher's Baseball Jokes and Riddles by Matt Christopher, Daniel Vasconcellos

Catcher:
You’re missing the strike zone by a mile! Better get your eyes checked.
    Pitcher:
Whenever I pitch against the Twins, I see double!

    Catcher:
You look a little nervous out there today.
    Pitcher:
Whenever I pitch against the Cubs, I just can’t
bear
it!

    Catcher:
You seem to be lacking confidence today.
    Pitcher:
Whenever I pitch against the Giants, I always feel kind of small!
    What is the best country for an official scorekeeper to live in?
    The United
Stats!

    In what state do most umpires live?
    In New York, the Umpire State!

    First Baseman:
Why did the pitcher throw a baseball across the table?
    Second Baseman:
The manager told him to put one over the plate!
    In what ballpark are players most nimble and quick?
    Candlestick Park!

    What is the best day of the week to play a doubleheader?
    Twos-day!

    What does an umpire do before he eats?
    Brushes off the plate!
    Why are babies good at fielding ground balls?
    They’re good at little dribblers!

    Why is a sold-out ballpark a good place to go on a hot day?
    Because there’s a fan in every seat!

    Why is it good to have frogs in the outfield?
    They never miss a fly!
Mistaken Identity
    California Angels infielder Aurelio Rodriguez was in for a surprise when he saw his 1969 Topps baseball card. When the photographer
     from Topps visited spring training camp, he mistook the Angels batboy for Rodriguez—and took
his
picture instead! So all of Rodriguez’s Topps cards that season featured a picture of the batboy!

(Very) Short Sleeves
    Reds first baseman Ted Kluszewski (played 1946–1961) had such muscular arms, he had to cut the sleeves of his uniform to get
     into it!

Charley Horse
    Pitcher Charley Esper, who played with Baltimore in the 1890s, was not known for his breakaway running speed. In fact, his
     teammates thought he ran like a lame horse. Ever since, a runner who suffers from a cramp in his leg is said to have a “charley
     horse”!

And Stepping Up to the Chatter’s Box…
    St. Louis Brown Arlie Latham was unofficially known as the father of “chatter”—baseball’s time-honored tradition of nonstop
     talk. Called “The Freshest Man on Earth,” Latham was once offered a box of silk socks and underwear if he could remain quiet
     for a whole game. He couldn’t.

Mr. Excitement
    Long-ball hitter Harmon Killebrew (573 lifetime homers) of the old Washington Senators was a solid ballplayer—but he wasn’t
     a very exciting guy off the field. When asked what his hobbies were, he replied, “Well, I like to wash the dishes, I guess.”
     He was also known for his good handwriting.

Is That Mummy Pitching Today?
    Yankee pitcher Jim Coates, who played in the 1950s, slept with his eyes open, earning him the nickname “Mummy”!

    Right Fielder:
I can never find any bats during a day game.
    Left Fielder:
Why is that?
    Right Fielder:
Because bats come out only at night!

    First Baseman:
What’s the count?
    Second Baseman:
Some guy from Transylvania!
    First Baseman:
What did the pitcher do when the count was one and two?
    Second Baseman:
Nothing. He didn’t know him then.

    First Baseman:
What did the pitcher do when the count was full?
    Second Baseman:
Burp him!
Hat Trick
    When Orioles pitcher Mike Cuellar and the team arrived in Milwaukee for a series, he informed manager Earl Weaver that he
     had forgotten his lucky baseball cap. Even though Cuellar was on a nine-game winning streak, he felt he would lose the next
     night without it. In those days there was no overnight delivery—but with the help of the Orioles front office, the airlines,
     and a series of hand deliveries, the hat was delivered to Cuellar before game time. Cuellar’s first words upon opening the
     box? “They sent my
practice
cap!” (Cuellar lasted only three innings that night!)

Going a Bit Batty
    Ballplayers are a superstitious lot, especially when it comes to their bats and hitting. Orlando Cepeda believed that each
     bat had only one hit—so after every hit, he got a