Millom in the Dock by Frankie Lassut Page B

weren’t scared though … it was
a good break in routinetinetinetine … and the scenery down below
looked nice the following morning, admired between gaps in the
clouds. Brick was excited I believe because he could see his roof!
So I reckon it was he who must have requested the picture in order
to show everyone that it wasn’t true that he had a slate missing,
especially the girl, Esme Relda Jones, who had given him a can of
pop one hot afternoon when he was locked in the stocks outside St
George’s church for taking his bucket back (Hail Mary!). She said …
“You must have a slate missing for taking your bucket back but, I
can’t see you gasping for a drink”.
    The church
however is sticking to the story that the picture was the work of
the Devil and, therefore worth a few pence a week into the tray as
protection money (chink, chink. Hee! Hee!) Togo’s roof by the way
had a large gaping hole in it! They had been abducted by actual
Martians, which I think were / are Slade. It would certainly clear
up any doubts about Dave Hill and, not forgetting Noddy Holders
intergalactic top hat (mirrors used for light overtone travel). May
be not?
    They were both
taken back in time to the heyday, just before the (playing with
genetics and becoming slaves to technology and greed, terrorism and
fear) decline of Mars, to save the planet. Ooops! Error! … Look at
all these books and programmes now on TV (outside of M) … Mars, the
dead planet, say no more. They were then brought back. The Martians
came with them as they didn’t really have much choice. It goes to
prove that the Jobstart programme doesn’t work on other planets
either. They had been missed only by the Job Centre staff, ‘missed’
possibly not being the correct word, as it isn’t always accompanied
by relief. Years after the abduction which seemed like a month to
the social staff, actually one Millom light year, yet one week in
reality, and a while in this other dimension ... they both marched
into the Job Centre and said, in unison … “Sorry we didn’t sign on
last Thursday, we were abducted by four aliens collectively known
as Slade, taken through a couple of interconnecting curved space
interstellar wormholes to Mars. We were taken to Martian HQ and
asked to use our intelligence and therefore halt the demise of the
troubled planet and, now we’re back”.
    The remaining
lady, guess who? My mother, the late Joan Lassut! That’s how I know
all this, said … “yes lads okay, whatever you say, are you both
available for work?” In unison … “NO!” … (gulp).
    And the rest of
the staff as this was going on? Kill with a stare yet full of fun,
Dot Cartwright, lovely Enid Bowes and the late Meg Atkinson,
another lovely lady and wife of a local Police Sergeant! also
passed. Their son, Norman, is now a Police Sergeant! (But now,
2012, I have no idea where they all are). Well, Meg and Dot ran to
the loo always and forever in twos, to water their noses and powder
the hydrangea and feed the Triffid, only God knows what with? Beef
flavoured UB40s dipped in fresh rabbit’s blood perhaps? And not
forgetting to check the hen’s eggs which they would try and hatch
on the radiator … it was a local non-military coup.
    Enid, being an
out of town farmer’s daughter and, therefore a consultant on this
radiator chicken coup, had had to muck out and milk the cows and
climb trees all her life since birth and was therefore, well fed
and energetic, with her own unlimited free fuel supply, shaw kite
bedside light (!!) had climbed athletically onto the roof, stuff
the torrential rain and, nearly fallen through the large gaping
hole in the process.
    “Oh well … it’s
Jobstart then” … said my old girl to the pair. Oh my God … what of
the Earth? (Me thinking out loud now). Brick actually contacted me
through Friends Reunited, called me names, and then threatened me
with death or something. I told him he should be f*****g honoured
to be chosen as good enough to be