Monkey Wrench by Liza Cody

I’d have booted her into the Balls Pond Road and back. What a nerve that little sow’s got.
    But the funny thing was the padlock I’d put on had been wrenched off. And it couldn’t have been Crystal who did it. Crystal wouldn’t pull it off, because Crystal had a key. Like me.
    â€˜Someone’s in there,’ The Enemy said.
    â€˜Who?’ I said. I turned the handle and gave the door a push. But the door didn’t budge. It was locked from the inside. Can you believe that? The cheek some people have!
    â€˜Odd,’ The Enemy said. ‘It wasn’t like that an hour ago. There was a padlock on. We’d better see what’s happening.’
    She raised her hand like she was going to knock on the door. Knock? I’d show her knock.
    â€˜I’ll do it,’ I said, and I charged the door with my shoulder. The wood shrieked and I went flying inside. I only just saved myself from landing on my nose by going into a forward roll. That’s one good thing about wrestling – the first thing you learn is how to fall without breaking your hooter. I’m very good at falling over.
    So I rolled and bounced back up on my toes. Behind me, The Enemy was saying something feeble like, ‘Don’t do that.’ But I took no notice. Who was she to talk? It wasn’t her gym, was it? It was mine.
Mine
. And I didn’t give any grubby squatter leave to park his arse in it, did I? Well,
did
I?
    So I bounced back up on my toes.
    There was a bloke crouched in the corner. He had a sleeping bag round his shoulders. He was on top of a pile of newspaper and he had a little gas camping stove alight in front of him. He was brewing up. All his clobber was strewn around. Untidy sod.
    â€˜What?’ he said. He looked scared out of his wits which made me stone chuffed.
    â€˜What you doing in here?’ I said. ‘This here’s private property.’
    The Enemy pushed past. ‘Eva!’ she said. ‘Calm down.’
    â€˜Out me way,’ I said. ‘I got a job to do.’
    â€˜I … I …’ said the bloke.
    â€˜Pack up and clear out,’ I said, ‘or I’ll pack you up and clear you out, and you won’t like it.’
    â€˜Eva! Shut up and stop jumping around.’
    â€˜I’ll pack him up and clear him out,’ I said. ‘He’s got no right in here!’.
    â€˜Shut up shouting!’ The Enemy yelled. ‘He’s just a kid.’
    â€˜It’s my bitch,’ the kid said.
    â€˜Who you calling a bitch?’
    â€˜
My
bitch,’ the kid said. ‘Queenie. She’s in the family way and I think it’s her time.’
    â€˜Queenie?’ The Enemy got her torch out and turned it on. The light skipped on to a dark pile by the wall. The pile growled.
    â€˜That’s Queenie,’ the kid said. ‘I was making her a cup of tea. She likes a cup of tea when she’s stressed. I wish I had some sugar for it. She likes her tea sweet.’
    The dark thing by the wall was a big old German shepherd. She was lying on her side. She only growled the once. Otherwise she just lay there panting.
    â€˜Ain’t she too old to have puppies?’ I said.
    â€˜She
is
getting on a bit,’ the kid said. ‘I don’t know how it happened, and now I’m worried about her.’
    â€˜Sweet tea?’ The Enemy said. ‘You give your dog sweet tea?’
    â€˜She likes it,’ the kid said. ‘It’s her blood sugar. I think it’s low. You’re not going to kick us out, are you?’
    â€˜Flaming Nora,’ The Enemy said.
    â€˜â€œCourse she won’t chuck you out,’ I said. ‘I won’t let her.’
    â€˜Flaming
Nora
!’ The Enemy said again. ‘Make up your mind.’
    â€˜I have,’ I said. ‘He’s staying. So’s Queenie. So up yours.’
    â€˜Okay.’ The Enemy fumbled in her pocket and came up with a fiver. ‘Go