Mr. Jaguar by K.A. Merikan Page B

chunk throughout the years. I didn’t, like, hate you at school or anything. I was just… I didn’t know how to approach you. I’m still shit at all this gay stuff.” He sighed and put his face in his hands.
    James blinked, leaning back with air tiredly sliding through his windpipe as if it were blocked. “What does that mean? You and your friends did your best to turn my life into hell. I was this fucking close to leaving school because of you!” he growled, showing Mike his pinched fingers.
    Mike’s gaze finally focused on him. “Huh? Because of a little teasing? Come on… I kept trying to get you alone.” He actually laughed. “This sounds so pathetic.”
    James frowned. “It wasn’t ‘teasing’, okay? I didn’t care about being called names, but when guys like you actually approached me, I had no idea what you were gonna do. I’ve had my stuff taken, I’ve been knocked to the ground, I’ve been thrown into the trash, I’ve been kicked, and crowded.” He took a long breath when he ran out of air. It was all still there, buried deep in his mind but always ready to creep back into consciousness in the worst moment. Cold fear paralyzing his legs, nausea, and all the hate he felt when he hadn’t been able to do anything. “You don’t know how it is for a guy like me.”
    Mike slowly reached out to him and hooked his finger on James’s. “I don’t. I’m sorry.”
    The gesture was so surprising that James zeroed his eyes on their intertwined hands. Gradually, his heart was changing its pace to a gallop when the warmth from Mike’s single finger spread all over James’s bloodstream. “You made me feel like shit so many times.”
    “I kinda… we did that to each other with the guys on the team, you know? It was normal.” Mike swallowed. “I think it just escalated for you because of that presentation. You were the only gay guy I knew, and I was so horny all the time. I didn’t even mind your hair, the glasses… I didn’t care.”
    Something squeezed around James’s chest like a giant fist. “So you just wanted to fuck anyone, and you thought that I would do?”
    Mike sighed and inched closer on his ass. “No, I thought that you’d want me. Don’t judge me. I was seventeen, all I could think of was cocks, and asses, and fucking. I would have done a lot to get your plump lips around my dick.” Mike pouted and squeezed James’s hand as if it was a romantic compliment he was making.
    James exhaled, surprised that in the weirdest way, it did make him feel better. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but that’s actually… quite sweet,” he whispered, watching Mike’s big, veiny hand over his. After a year of extensive training, James’s wasn’t all that slim either. He wasn’t that nerdy kid anymore, but in his mind Mike would always be that big jock who had enough strength to take him down.
    “I’m sorry for the nickname. It was kinda douchey,” Mike admitted and sat closer, so their thighs touched.
    James nodded. “It was. That photo was never supposed to get into that stupid presentation.” He did his best to keep his breath even but to this day, he checked every single thing he showed in a slideshow or sent to someone else, at least three times. He re-read his e-mails after pressing ‘send’ out of fear that something incriminating somehow found its way in. He would never forget the roar of laughter and booing when his class saw that obscene photo on the screen. His feet were screwed to the floor. So much so that it was the teacher who closed the presentation for him.
    Mike bowed his head and whispered into James’s ear. “I got so hard in class when I saw it…”
    James inhaled a bit of air. Mike’s breath was like the desert air, circling around his ear like a viper. He turned his head, brushing his nose over Mike’s stubbly cheek. Shame was the only thing that kept him from tracing the tiny needles with his tongue.
    “I think that was why I came up with that