My Dating Disasters Diary by Liz Rettig

That's it?' He looked at me
contemptuously. 'Well, in that case I'm glad you said no.
I thought you were different from other girls. There's no
way I want anything to do with a girl so totally shallow.'
    Then he turned and marched off.
    As I watched his retreating back I realized the horrible
truth – that, oh my God, he'd been serious. The hottest
guy in the whole school had just asked me out and I'd
said no.
    I could have been the envy of everyone. At the very
least no one would be calling me a lesbian or Ikea Girl
again. And Shelly would have been sick with jealousy.
    But no, I'd turned him down.
    '****!!!'
FRIDAY APRIL 2ND
    'Just imagine, Kelly Ann,' Liz said, trying to comfort me,
'when word gets out you've actually knocked back the
school's total sex god, everyone's going to think you're,
like, beyond cool. Bet you'll have every fit guy for miles
around desperate to date you.'
    'Don't need loads of fit guys. Just one, so people stop
going on about me being weird and leave me alone. And
I could have had that.'
    'Well, why don't you try explaining things to Michael then?
    Tell him you thought it was an April fool's joke. Might work.'
     
    Spotted Michael heading off to the toilets at lunch time.
Wouldn't have been surprised if his groupies had
followed him there, but fortunately even they must have
decided that was a bit OTT so I was able to catch him on
his own as he came out again.
    Took a deep breath and marched up to him. Thought
he might just ignore me but he didn't. Instead he looked
at me in a kind of hurt way and said, 'Hi. You wanted to
talk to me?'
    I stared at his gorgeous film-star face and gazed into
his deep green eyes, then I squeaked, 'Aayah-sh-sh. I, um,
dunno . . . um.'
    It was hopeless. Michael gave me a bored look,
shrugged and walked away.
    Oh God. Never thought I'd have anything in common
with Shelly but, unfortunately, this one time I did.
MONDAY APRIL 5TH
    Didn't notice any fit guys paying me much attention. Did
notice a new graffiti message in the girls' toilets that said
KELLY ANN IS DEFINITELY A LES.
    Brilliant. This month was not starting out too well. Still,
    at least since Liz is not going out with Peter any more, I can stay over at
    her place Saturday and won't have to endure the company of my sister and her
    nerd, who have pointedly told me they intend to stay in. I mean, why can't
    they go out clubbing and getting totally wasted like normal people their age?
     
    After school I went to see our school team play
Shawbridge, who we beat last year by a crushing six–nil
and who've since vowed revenge. Rumour has it they're
better now, with a lot of new players, but I think we'll still
win.
    Liz reluctantly agreed to come with me even though
'watching a crowd of idiot boys kicking a ball about in the
mud' was not her idea of fun.
    I was surprised to see Linda and her friends Beth and
Sue there, as I thought they were about as keen on football
as Liz; however, from the remarks I overheard when
I passed them on my way back from the toilet, it soon
became clear why they'd come.
    'Mmmm, isn't he gorgeous?'
    'Oh yeah, he's OK, but look at the other one – the
goalie – now he's hot.'
    Wouldn't have been so bad if Beth and Sue weren't
talking about Shawbridge boys, although Linda only
seemed to have eyes for Chris. Hmm, the rumours about
her fancying Chris must be true. Don't think Chris knows
though, or if he does he's not interested.
    Our team won easily, three–nil. I like watching football
but I'd much rather be playing. I've asked Mr Ferguson
twice this term to give me a trial but he's always found
some excuse not to. It's just totally sexist and so unfair.
I'm as good as any boy. Better than most. That's it: I'm
going to see Ferguson again and force him to take me
seriously.
TUESDAY APRIL 6TH
    Found Ferguson at lunch time. I knew he was supposed
to be taking the sixth-year boys for a cross-country run
this lunch time as they are training for a charity
marathon, but as usual this meant