No One Wants You by Celine Roberts Page A

the orphanage.
    The nun said, ‘That is fine Doctor, but is there anything serious that would affect her daily routine work in the orphanage kitchens?’
    ‘No. Nothing to be worried about in the short-term, but long-term, it is most unlikely that she will ever have children,’ he said.
    That piece of information was filed in my memory in the folder labelled ‘sad’, for thinking about at a later date. I then tried to forget about it. I left Dr Leahy’s rooms that day, feeling unconcerned about my gynaecological future. I just wanted to enjoy the feeling of freedom, on my day away from the confines of the orphanage.
    That was to be the first of many visits to gynaecological specialists for examinations resulting in extensive surgery to my reproductive organs and tract, over the coming years.
    A couple of weeks after the first examination, I was told that I had some visitors. I couldn’t think who they might be. I was thrilled that someone would think so much of me that they would come as a visitor. It was Kit and Tony. They had come to see how I was after my sudden departure from their home. I told them that I was settling into the orphanage very well, but that the court case had upset me a lot.
    Kit asked, in all innocence, ‘What court case?’
    They obviously did not know where I had been taken to on that morning, the previous March. I told them a shortened version of the day and Kit hugged me tightly. She then gave me amazing news.
    ‘We have arranged with the sisters that you can come to us for a week’s holiday, later in the summer. It will be in August.’
    I was overjoyed at the thought of going to somebody who wanted me, for a holiday.
    Before they left they gave me a present of a crinoline doll, with beautiful pearls on her dress. Afterwards I hid the doll in my bedside locker, which was the only thing I could call my own in the orphanage. The next morning I checked to see if the doll was still there, but it was gone. I was never to see the doll again. I was heartbroken, but I did not cry about it. Instead I counted the days until August when Kit and Tony would come to collect me.
    August finally came and I did have my holiday with Kit and Tony. They treated me as if I was their own. They took me for picnics, to a funfair and to the beach.
    When the week was over I did not mind going back to the orphanage, although I did cry as I said goodbye at the convent gate. They had promised me that they would come and see me as visitors and that I could come for my summer holidays again the following year. They kept their promise and visited me about twice each year during my time at the Mount.
    While my life had changed slightly for the better with Kit and Tony now part of it, the regime at the orphanage remained strict. When Kit and Tony visited me the following Easter, they gave me a large chocolate Easter egg. I remember that it was made by Suchard. I was not allowed to eat the egg. The sister said that I could only unwrap the packaging. I took it out of its box and I unwrapped the silver paper from around the egg. I was not allowed to touch the chocolate. Then the nun took the packaging and the egg, and disappeared with them. I never tasted my Easter egg but I was able to smell it. It smelled delicious.
    Life at the orphanage went on as before. I had been there a year and nothing had changed. Work was just as difficult as ever, but I never complained. There was no sexual threat and I felt safe. I could cope with anything after that.
    I used to clean the priest’s parlour and serve his breakfast. He had a fruit cocktail and then was served a fried breakfast, followed with bread and butter. He usually had a grapefruit as well, with a special spoon. If we got the chance we’d lick the priest’s plate to get a taste of his fried breakfast.
    The laundry belonging to the nuns was done in a separate area. It was treated as something special. Either the novice nuns did it or the younger professed nuns. The nuns that