One Voice 02 - Here Without You by Mia Kerick Page B

brighter.
    I felt as if I had accomplished something by surviving and even enjoying the evening with two teenage girls. With friends .

10
    N ATE ’ S D IARY
     
     
    September 19
     
    I DON ’ T know just when this journal became so friggin’ necessary to me. But it’s like, after any major shit goes down, I can’t get to this notebook fast enough to write about it, just so I can read it back to myself and make some sense of my life. Yeah, fucked up. But fucked up in the good way, I’d say.
    Today I’m gonna write about the most amazin’ weekend of my life. And no, I ain’t shittin’ nobody here. The weekend was awesome. Wish it never had to end.
     
     
    S O ON Friday, I dropped Cindy off at dinnertime, and she seemed pretty pumped to be with Aunt Terri and Jana. That was a good feelin’. I didn’t have to worry my ass off about Cindy bein’ pissed at me cuz I dumped her somewhere.
    When I got to Boston City College, my guys were waitin’ for me in the parkin’ lot, same as last time. It was kinda fucked up, though, cuz we all knew what was gonna happen ’tween us three this weekend, and maybe even that night. It was sort of awkward, but not in a bad way. Casey was a little shy when he greeted me. There wasn’t no jumpin’ into my arms and wrappin’ his legs around me or nothin’. And when me and Zander’s eyes met, it was like we both had a secret we was keepin’. Truthfully we were almost a little more like strangers than boyfriends for goin’ on two years.
    I could feel their eyes studyin’ all of the healin’-up yellowish brown bruises and scabs on my face. And I could practically hear their thoughts about how pissed off they were at my uncle for smackin’ me around, but they didn’t say nothin’ about it right then. Guess they knew me well enough to let it pass by for the moment. Complainin’ about my asshole of an uncle wasn’t exactly friendly to the electric, romantic mood we had goin’ on.
    Casey made us wait a few minutes in the parkin’ lot while he ran back to the dorm ahead of us. He said he had to get shit ready. Well, he didn’t actually say “get shit ready.” He more said something like “I must make some vital preparations.” You know, “get shit ready” in Casey language.
    So me and Zander shot the shit in the parkin’ lot for, like, ten minutes before we slowly walked back. Wanted so fuckin’ bad to wrap my arm around his waist as we walked, but without Casey, our “glue,” I felt too friggin’ awkward. What made me fuckin’ psyched was that, about halfway up to the dorm, Zander grabbed my bag offa my shoulder, took my hand in his, and squeezed—so I’d know we was together and on the same page and shit.
    Casey texted Zander and asked him to knock on the door to their room when we got there, instead of using his key. So Zander knocked kinda soft. When Casey opened the door, his face was that certain shade of pink that made me worry he might have one of them panic-attack thingies.
    So we went in the room, and what I saw pretty much melted me. Casey had gone to trouble, big time, to make this night special. The beds had already got pushed together, and they were covered in shiny red sheets. On Zander’s desk, there was this plate with like a dozen humongous strawberries that’d got dipped in chocolate. Over on Casey’s desk were these fancy-ass glasses filled with a bubbly drink. I saw a half-empty bottle of cranberry ginger ale on Casey’s bureau, so I was pretty sure the glasses weren’t filled with booze. He had some music playin’ nice and soft too. It was U2’s “One Love.” Friggin’ love that song.
    Our sweet Casey had set the scene just perfect for our first night of love, when us three would become one.
     
     
    W ITHIN A few minutes, the three of us was stretched out on them slippery red sheets and naked as the day we were born. And I was nervous as all hell, seein’ as I was supposed to be the sex expert. I was the only one who’d ever