a mouthful of saltwater. My eyes were stinging, and my teeth were starting to chatter. It was really, really cold in the water without a wetsuit.
And then, a few yards away from me, Michael suddenly resurfaced, gasping for breath and clawing at the rope of seaweed around his neck. The lifeguard, in two easy strokes, was beside him, shoving the orange flotation device at him, and telling him to relax, that everything was going to be all right.
But everything was not going to be all right. Even as the lifeguard was speaking, I saw a head bob up beside Michael. Though his wet hair wasplastered to his face, I still recognized Josh, the ringleader of the RLS Angelsâa ghostly little group hell-bent on mischief makingâ¦and evidently worse.
I couldnât speak, of courseâmy lips, I was sure, were turning blue. But I could still punch. I pulled my arm back and let go of a good one, packed with all the panic I felt at finding myself with nothing but water beneath my feet.
Josh either didnât remember me from Jimmyâs or the mall, or didnât recognize me with my hair all wet. In any case, heâd been paying no attention to me at all.
Until my fist connected solidly with his nasal cartilage, that is.
Bone crunched quite satisfyingly under my knuckles, and Josh let out a pain-filled shriek that only I could hear.
Or so I thought. Iâd forgotten about the other Angels.
At least until I was abruptly pulled under the waves by two sets of hands that had wrapped around my ankles.
Let me just mention something here. While to the rest of humanity, ghosts have no actual matterâmost of you walk right through them all the time and donât even know it; maybe you feel acold spot, or you get a strange chill, like Kelly and Debbie did at the convenience martâto a mediator, they are most definitely made of flesh and bone. As illustrated by my slamming my fist into Joshâs face.
But because they have no matter where humans are concerned, ghosts must resort to more creative methods of harming their intended victims than, say, wrapping their hands around their necks. It was for that reason that Josh was using seaweed instead. He could pick up the seaweedâwith an effort, like the beer in the Quick Mart. And he could wrap that around Michaelâs neck. Mission accomplished.
I, on the other hand, being a mediator, was not subject to the laws governing human-ghost contact, and, accordingly, they quickly made use of their unexpected advantage.
Okay, I realized then that I had made a bad mistake. It is one thing to fight bad guys on land, where, I must admit, I am quite resourceful andâI feel I can say without braggingâquite agile.
But it is quite another thing altogether to try to fight something underwater. Particularly something that does not need to breathe as often as I do. Ghosts do breatheâsome habits are hard tobreakâbut they donât need to, and sometimes, if theyâve been dead long enough, they realize it. The RLS Angels hadnât been dead very long, but theyâd died underwater, so you might say they had a head start on their spectral peers.
Given those circumstances, I saw my situation progressing in one of two ways: either I was going to give up, let my lungs fill with water, and drown, or I was going to completely freak out, strike at anything that came near me, and make those ghosts sorry theyâd ever chosen not to go into the light.
I donât suppose it will come as any big surprise to anyoneâwith the exception of me, maybeâthat I chose the second option.
The hands that were wrapped around my ankles, I realizedâthough it took me a while; I was pretty disorientedâwere connected to bodies, attached to which, presumably, were heads. There is nothing so unpleasant, I know from experience, as a foot to the face. And so I very promptly, and with all my strength, kicked in the direction that I supposed those faces might
Jimmy Fallon, Gloria Fallon