Seducing Jordan: A Second Chances Novella by Andrea Dalling

“I mean, I don’t get why you’re comfortable rimming me, yet not sucking me. But if that’s where you are, I’m fine with it.”
    “If that were true, you wouldn’t have said it that way.”
    Jordan stared at the salt shaker like it was the most interesting thing in the room. “Okay, yeah, I want it. But you’re clearly not ready to go there.” Jordan looked up, eyes wide, then said softly, “You’re afraid someone will call you a cocksucker, and it’ll be true.”
    He jerked back, mind rushing, a pit forming in his stomach. Yeah, the idea bothered him. How fucking shallow could he get? This thing between him and Jordy was private. Why should he care what other people thought?
    Jordan stroked his arm from the shoulder to the elbow. “S’okay. You’re going through a lot. It’s taken me years to adjust, and you’re trying to do it all in one weekend.” Jordan’s eyes gleamed in the candlelight, the love in them clear for anyone to see.
    His stomach pulled taut. Being with Jordan felt natural. The disapproving look from the guy at the next table didn’t. Heat burned his cheeks, and he pulled away. Jordan stiffened.
    “Don’t be mad,” he murmured.
    “I’m not. I understand.” Jordan’s voice was cold.
    He breathed deep to loosen the tightness in his chest. Loving Jordan was the most liberating, exciting experience of his life. Nothing had ever made him feel more like a man. But the world wouldn’t see it that way. If their friends from school ever found out…Captain of the football team turned queer. Could he live with that? That emasculating perception following him everywhere he went for the rest of his life?
    His eyes met Jordan’s. He wanted to grab him and kiss him hard. Reassure him that he was the most important thing in Rick’s life. But was he? Rick’s self-image was on the line.
    He hadn’t thought through what this weekend would mean for him. He’d wanted to get Jordy into bed. He hadn’t expected to fall in love. But how could he not? He’d loved Jordy for twelve years. In the past six months, the attraction had grown into an obsession. Of course sex with him would send Rick over the edge. He couldn’t undo it. Leaving Jordy now would be heartbreak.
    Obviously, they’d be physically separated. But if they got together one weekend a month, agreed to be exclusive…That might work. He could drive to Princeton. No one at Penn State would have to know he had a boyfriend. But how could he ask Jordan to be faithful to him when he was living a lie—when he was unwilling to face the discrimination that came with coming out?
    “I need some air.” He rushed from the building. Outside, he sucked in breaths like a man pulled from a sinking ship.
    He hurried to a little stream that ran next to the parking lot. Sobs threatened to overwhelm him. He loved Jordy, but he couldn’t adopt this lifestyle. It wasn’t who he was.
    Cynthia’s face flashed in front of him. He doubled over in pain. The idea of kissing her, even touching her, nauseated him. Sex had made their relationship worse, not better.
    What did that mean? Was he gay? Was he kidding himself about liking girls?
    He looked down along the ridge, a deep ravine cutting through rock. Part of him wished the earth could swallow him up. How could anyone think people chose to be gay? Why would anyone choose this—to be ostracized by family and friends, to be faced with the hateful stares of strangers?
    Footsteps sounded on the pavement. He turned. Jordan approached, his features wide with fear. “I’m sorry.”
    “You didn’t do anything.”
    “I should have told you no,” Jordan said. “I’m no good for you.”
    “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Sobs shook him. Jordan’s arms encompassed him. “How can you stand it? Knowing people will hate you, no matter what you do?”
    “I’ve always had you to watch out for me.”
    He blinked, and a thrill tickled his gut. He wasn’t in this alone. He was used