Shadows of the Keeper by Karey Brown

Just make sure you stay away from the pits.  First time you
burn to a crisp, I’m replacing you.  Took me forever to get that
Orin-stench out of my office.”  Hades stared at his newly acquired servant
for several long moments until the spirit swallowed his fear and spiraled
downward, clipboard clutched tightly like a shield.
    “You’re still fidgeting.”
    “Four of our new arrivals are
lawyers.”
    Hades’ hand cradled his
forehead.  “Screaming rights?”
    “Rallying the others that they have
the right to a jury’s decision whether or not they belong here.”
    “I’m leaning towards the
‘not’.  Douse ‘em with fire.  That’ll distract them for a while.”
    “Oh, Your Meanness, I will carry
out your orders immediately.”
    “Just make sure you have Arsyn show
you how to work—“
    “Can we use the lava hose?”
    “No, no, no!”  Hades turned to
his son.  “See what I have to deal with?  No. No lava.  It melts
even the bone.  Then I have to toss them in the river for millennia before
they can serve the demons.  No.  My brother comes down here, swearing
I’m not making the scourge of his world suffer enough for their vile acts
during their living years.  No, hell no.  Oh, look, I made a
pun.”  Hades snapped his fingers, the spirit vanishing from their
presence.  “See what you’re missing?”
    “Removal of tongues ceases my
headaches.”
    “I’ve been meaning to speak with
you about your curious penchant.”
    Dezenial arched a luminous brow at
his sire.
    “Do you know what it’s like to try
and terrify someone, and the entire time they’re screaming with their mouth
wide open, I’m forced to gaze upon your ghastly handiwork?  Not to mention
suffering the great inconvenience of having to send for my translator when your
baggage tries speaking, minus their tongue.  Could you at least sew it to
their arm or something where we can attach it and understand the pathetic
fool?”  Hades shook his head.  “As if I don’t have enough to contend
with.  Just yesterday, Charon decided he was increasing his rates or no
more rowing any souls across Styx.  Then he threatens—you need something
to drink?  I know it’s a bit warm down here for you.”
    “I’m fine.  Do continue.”  He’d humor his father for a time while his Emily plotted her
escape and sought her precious coffee.  And hot bath.  He swallowed
painfully.  Seeing her more often rubbed raw his denial of her
embrace.  A paramount reason he preferred her to remain in her own
realm.  Now, he was laced within her mind more than he cared to be. 
If Drakar found her . . .
    “You aren’t listening to me. 
See?  I’m invisible.  No one—“
    “Just yesterday, what?”
    “Where was I? Oh, Charon. 
He’s threatening strike!”  Hades punched his fist into his other
hand.  “There’s no striking in Underworld!  Next, I’ll have freshman
demons demanding wings!”  Hades paced.  “I love my job, I love my
job,” he muttered.  “I love my job.”
    “ I have wings.” 
Dezenial fought damn hard not to grin.
    “You’re my son,” Hades threw up his
hands, a sign, Dezenial noted, of serious stress.  “Of course you
have wings.”  This time, Hades swept his hands to encompass all.  “I
gave you everything !”
    “This isn’t the part where you
start your barrage of how you had nothing in your day, is it?”
    “See?  That right
there!”  Bells loudly gonged.  Hades changed form until he was red,
forked tail, his skin steaming.  “No one appreciates me.  How do I
look?”
    Dezenial tapped his own
forehead.  “Forgot your horns.”
    “Causes migraines.  I save
those for last.”  The god sighed.  “Let me go scare the
newbies.  I tell you, ever since you and Inzyr decided it a lark to
torment those Crusaders, I’ve been forced to don this ridiculous costume. 
The tail alone, I should have you sawed in half repeatedly for millennia.”
    “You’re being dramatic.