Shattered Dreams by Brenda Kennedy

has passed since I heard
the devastating news of Max’s death. I remember Max visiting me in
my dream and I close my eyes and try to remember what he was saying to me. I hear the sound of
faint footsteps outside my bedroom door.  
    “ Emma?”  
    I don’t answer, I don’t want to see anyone.
The door creaks as someone opens it. I close my eyes and act like
I’m still asleep. I just want to be left alone. 
    “ Emma?” Max’s mother says in
a sad voice. 
    I slowly roll over and the devastation is
apparent on her face. Her eyes are dark and swollen and without
sparkle. She is carrying a tray of food.  
    “ Emma, I brought you some
soup.” 
    “ I’m not
hungry.” 
    “ Sweetie, you have to eat.
Please try to eat some soup.”  
    Brooke slowly walks into the
room carrying James. My heart breaks a little bit more, if that is
even possible. James sees me and let out a squeal. My son, our son, I think to
myself.   
    I sit up straighter in bed and reach my arms
out for James. I smile for the first time in … I have no idea how
long, hours, days, I’m not sure.  
    “ Emma, you need to eat, if
you want to continue to nurse him,” Cheryl
says.  
    “ You’re right. How long has
it been?” I say taking my too-happy son from
Brooke.  
    “ Just a
day.” 
    Just a day? I think. I feel years
older.  
    “ I’ll feed him first, then
I’ll try to eat something. Thank you.” James latches on quickly and
I realize how much I have missed bonding with him. His daddy is
gone and he will never know him. Both our lives have changed and he
doesn’t even know it.  
    “ Your parents are at the
airport; Danny went to pick them up.” 
    I nod because I can’t say anything. I didn’t
call them, and I don’t remember anything after hearing the news of
Max’s death. I watch James eat and I play with his fuzzy hair. I
can see Max in him more and more every day. I am grateful our son
will look like his handsome father.  
    The next week we prepare for Max’s memorial.
His parents needed to identify his body after it arrived from the
Middle East. I went with them to the morgue, but I couldn’t bring
myself to go back with them to identify him. The military informed
us about the condition of Max’s body in an attempt to prepare us
for the worse. 
    Brooke was a huge help. She
cooked and cleaned, and she kept James for me when I couldn’t climb
out of my own personal hell to tend to his needs. I remember people in and out of the duplex, but I
can’t remember who and what was said. I remember lots of food,
flowers, and cards. I also remember feeling alone and isolated in a
room full of family and friends.  
    The memorial service in Fort Drum was very
decorative. All the military was dressed in their dress blues.
There was a 21-gun salute and a release of three white doves, as
requested by his mother. 
    Brice
    “ Stay here, I’m going in,”
Greyson states. 
    “ We’re going in, too,” I
say, following close behind him. 
    “ Stand down and cover me,
Jamison.” 
    “ Greyson, darn it. We are
all going in. We are in this crap together.” 
    “ I said to stand down and
cover me, Private. That’s an order.” Sgt. Greyson, yells, ducking
while running into the condemned and dilapidated
building. 
    “ Darn it, Greyson, don’t be
a freaking hero,” I yell, but he is already out of view. Lanford,
Snider, Poland, Mahoney, Wagner, Wilson, and I all stay behind and
cover him. We remain still, hidden behind some bushes and look
around for the enemy. My heart races and my palms sweat. I swear I
can feel my pulse beating in my neck. We wait and after several
minutes I decide to go in. “Screw Greyson and his orders. I’m going
in, cover me.” I take a step forward and that’s when the explosion
goes off. The sound is deafening and the debris from the building
hits many of the members in the platoon.  
    When the smoke finally clears, I see that the
building Max entered is on fire. Someone calls