Shmirshky by E

meet the shmirshky
    Got a vagina? Know someone who does? If you don’t have one yourself, odds are you have a wife, girlfriend, mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, sister, daughter, friend, mentor, co-worker, or boss who’s got one. Vaginas are everywhere!
    Vagina, vagina, vagina. What a strange word! It’s a word you only hear doctors and awkward sex-education instructors using. All the women I know call it something completely different. My BFF, 1 Marcia, called the vagina shmirshky ( pronounced shmersh-key ) and the penis erlick (rhymes with her-lick ). I love these names! I use them not only to refer to specific parts of a person’s anatomy but also the respective sexes that possess them. All women both have and are shmirshkies, and all men have and are erlicks.
    I am a shmirshky, a shmirshky who has struggled with perimenopause and menopause. I’m not crazy about these terms either. What a mouthful. Let’s call perimenopause PM and menopause M. I like to call this entire time in our lives PM&M! That reminds me of something sweet and wonderful—way more fun.
    Now you can have a serious and private discussion about menopause, vaginas, and penises and no one within earshot will have a clue what you’re talking about. For all they know, you could be talking about a great restaurant or the friends you had drinks with the night before. I once threw a party with shmirshky erlick monogrammed on the cocktail napkins. Marcia and I laughed hysterically all night long as the other guests tried to figure out what this meant. Eventually, we told everyone and all laughed together. Welcome to the PM&M, shmirshky, and erlick secrets!
    There are over six and a half billion people in the world, and about half of them are shmirshkies! By the end of 2008, around fifty million American shmirshkies reached M. That’s approximately 18 percent of the U.S. population. And by 2010, nearly two thirds of the adult female population in the United States reached age forty or older. That’s a lot of shmirshkies in PM&M. 2
    Since I’m not a doctor, researcher, or scientist, I don’t have professional expertise to recommend or not recommend different remedies and procedures. I do, however, have a shmirshky and have experienced PM&M firsthand. I know how hard it can be.
    I began writing this book because I was afraid to talk with people about my experience (and I really love to talk!). So the computer became my friend. I’d sit down in the morning in my bathrobe, with a cup of coffee, and sometimes finish late at night with a martini. All the while, I was chatting away with my computer about PM&M.
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    shmirshky party alert!
    Eventually I worked up the courage to invite my girlfriends over for a drink and began talking about my experiences. I found that throwing a little Shmirshky Party is a great way to share and hear stories with the shmirshkies in our lives. I’m including some of those stories in the pages that follow (Shmirshky Party Alerts!). These girlfriend stories are good reminders of how powerful and helpful the sisterhood can be when we share information and support each other. 3
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    When you’re in PM&M, you’ve got to think inside the box! That means think about how you feel, listen to your body, and recognize your needs. When I think inside the box, I’m prioritizing and trusting myself as a shmirshky. Sometimes the erlicks need to think inside the box as well (albeit in a different way than they usually do).
    Once I started to think inside the box, I realized I had a whole lot to say, so I’ve turned my writings, research, and conversations into this small book with a BIG story, so my daughter, my friends, the Sisterhood of Shmirshkies, and the erlicks in their lives can all have an easier time with PM&M. I know you’re crazy busy, but you can read this while getting your hair done, in between meetings, on the potty, on a plane, at your desk, in a doctor’s