Sicken and So Die by Simon Brett Page B

But the director was too preoccupied even to hear counter-argument. Then Sir Andrew, all pathetic-like, reminds Sir Toby that they used to have a thing going. “‘I was adored once too,” he says – doesn’t he?’
    â€˜Yes, he does, but he’s not referring to Sir Toby.’
    â€˜Oh no? Then why is it that Toby’s next line having been reminded that he’s been neglecting Sir Andrew emotionally is: “Let’s to bed, knight.” I mean, how overt do you want this to be? “Let’s to bed, knight” – you can’t have a less ambiguous sexual proposition than that, can you?’
    â€˜Yes, of course you –’
    â€˜No, come on. What did you used to say, back in the days when you were seducing women, eh?’ Charles rather resented that implication. ‘If you said “let’s to bed”, or “let’s go to bed”, it meant “I want to screw you” – yes?’
    â€˜Look –’
    â€˜Yes or no? Did it mean “I want to screw you” or not?’
    â€˜Well, yes, in that context it probably did, but –’
    â€˜See!’ The director spoke with the satisfaction of an ontologist into whose sitting room God has just walked.
    â€˜But, Alexandru, that is not what it means in this context. Such an idea makes nonsense of the relationship between Sir Toby and Sir Andrew. They’re talking about Maria and what a great woman she is. What they’re saying is in total admiration of her.’
    â€˜I think not. Look at the text, Charles. That is what you must always do when you are dealing with the work of a great genius like Shakespeare – look at the text.’
    That’s rich, coming from you.
    â€˜And when we look at the text, what do we see? “Good night, Penthesilea.” Who is this “Penthesilea”, by the way?’
    â€˜Penthesilea,’ said Charles patiently, ‘was the Queen of the Amazons. Hence, any forceful or effective woman. Sir Toby describes Maria by that name as a tribute to the skill with which she has set up the plan to fool Malvolio.’
    He looked up, anticipating apology in the Director’s face, but instead saw glee. Wagging a triumphant finger, Alexandru shouted, ‘You see, you see, that proves it! You’ve said it out of your own mouth! “Amazon” means “any forceful or effective woman”. In other words, a dominant woman. In other words, the dominant mother whose sexuality so frightened the son that, in self-protection, he became homosexual.’
    â€˜That is psychological claptrap. Apart from anything else, it’s been proved that there’s no connection between –’
    â€˜What is more,’ Alexandru rolled on with satisfaction, ‘Amazon often means lesbian. Hmm, I think maybe we are also getting the key to Maria’s character here . . .’
    He looked thoughtfully across to Tottie Roundwood. To Charles’s annoyance, she didn’t immediately point out what balls this all was. She looked pleased, even honoured, to be sharing the wisdom of the guru.
    â€˜OK.’ Alexandru clapped his hands. ‘Let’s run through the lines again, bearing in mind what we now know.’
    â€˜We don’t know anything we didn’t know before,’ Charles protested.
    â€˜No? So what are you saying? Are you saying that there is no attraction between Sir Toby Belch and Sir Andrew Aguecheek? Are you flying in the face of William Shakespeare’s text?’
    â€˜No, I am not. I am saying there is affection between them, and this is the moment in the play where that affection is most overtly expressed – but
that is all
!’
    Alexandru Radulescu’s mouth pursed in annoyance. ‘It is very difficult, you know, for a director to direct when his actors will not take direction.’
    â€˜I’ll take direction as well as the next actor,’ said Charles with dignity.