CHAPTER ONE
I just want to tell you straight up that this story has no happy ending.
But it doesnât have a sad ending either. Itâs a story about being a mom, so it has a lot of happy and sad in it. Like motherhood itself, it has no ending at all.
Thatâs because you never stop being a mom. You donât stop when your kids go to sleep at night. You donât stop when they grow up and move away. Being a mom is not just a job. Itâs an identity. Maybe you already know what Iâm talking about. If not, you will by the time youâre done hearing my story.
My life has never been boring. Iâm not an important or exciting person, but sometimes some pretty wild things happen to me. Usually they donât come right on top of each other like this though.
This is the story of one remarkable year that was full of one wild thing after another. It was a year that changed my life and the lives of everyone I cared about. And it starts in my least favorite place of all: a doctorâs office.
Let me take you back to that doctorâs office right now.
* * *
My son, Dre, is sixteen years old. Heâs been feeling sick for a while. Weâve been having a lot of tests done. Now weâre sitting and waiting for the doctor to come talk to us.
Dre feels too sick to be nervous, so Iâm nervous for both of us. He lies on the exam table with his arm over his eyes. Heâs so tall that his feet hang way down off the end of the table. I still canât believe how big my baby is. I carried him on my hip for so long sometimes I can still feel him there. Now look at him. Heâs a giant with dreadlocks. So handsome the girls canât take their eyes off him.
I was only sixteen myself when I had Dre. I try to imagine him becoming a father at this age. Itâs a horrible thought. I didnât know a damn thing when I was sixteen. For the millionth time, I think about how amazing it is that we even survived. I was so stupid when I was that age. So young and stupid.
But here we are. We made it through a lot of bad times. Only now my baby is sick, and I have this horrible feeling that more bad times are around the corner.
When I get nervous, I talk. So I keep on chattering away to Dre, even though he isnât answering me.
After a while he says, âMama, give it a rest. Iâm too sick for small talk.â
So we sit and wait in silence.
Finally the door opens. A new doctor walks in. He stops and looks at Dre, then at me. Then he looks at his chart, like heâs making sure he has the right people. We get that a lot. Thatâs what itâs like when your kidâs skin is a different color from yours. I guess people wonder if youâre just borrowing him or something.
âSeñora Gonzalez,â says the doctor. â Buenos dÃas. Me llamo Doctor Wendell.â
I get that a lot too. People think I donât speak English just because I look Latina. I donât even get mad anymore. I donât have the energy.
âHi,â I say. âHow you doing, Doctor Wendell.â
âFine,â says the doctor, without missing a beat. And I realize he wasnât being rude. We live in a big city. He must meet a lot of people who donât speak English. So maybe heâs not so bad after all. He closes the door.
âLetâs talk about Dre,â he says. He pronounces it Dree .
âItâs pronounced Dray ,â I say.
âSorry,â says the doctor. âI know you werenât expecting to meet a new doctor today. So let me tell you about myself. Iâm a kidney specialist. I was called in because of the results of Dreâs tests. I think the reason Dre feels so sick all the time is because he might have kidney problems.â
I nod. I knew it was going to be something serious.
âWhat kind of problems?â I ask.
âWell, the job of your kidneys is to clean the impurities out of your blood. If they canât do that, your
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