Stupid Movie Lines by Kathryn Petras Page B

a past life as Billy the Kid under the influence of peyote in
Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw,
1976
    On Past-Life Memories, Fuzzy:
    Psychiatrist:
What is your name?
    Hypnotized patient:
Laura Carson.
    Psychiatrist:
Go on …
    Hypnotized patient:
Angora sweater—was such a beautiful thing. Soft, like kitten’s fur. Felt so good on me. As if it belonged there. Felt so bad when it was gone.
    Psychiatrist:
Dan, do you realize we’ve just witnessed a portion of your wife’s previous existence? … Her talk about maribou, Angora, and furlike materials … I believe that it’s derived from her past existence.
    Dan:
Aw, come on. You don’t really believe she was a gorilla?
    Psychiatrist:
All the evidence points to it. Her fixation for furlike materials comes from that fact.
    Dan:
I’m sorry, Doctor, I just don’t buy any of this.
    Psychiatrist:
Well, you have a right to your own opinion.
    Psychiatrist (William Justine) takes patient (Charlotte Austin) back to her past life as a gorilla. Unfortunately, her husband (Lance Fuller) doesn’t buy it in
The Bride and the Beast,
1958
    On Pat Boone Lines, Typical:
    Emily:
I’ve been around.
    Wayne:
Does that mean you’re a bad girl?
    Ann-Margret and Pat Boone in
State Fair,
1962
    On Patriotism:
    We’re hoodlums—but we’re
American
hoodlums!
    Frank Jenks as Jimbo, an escaped con, dealing with Nazis in
Seven Miles from Alcatraz,
1942
    On Peace, Need for No War in:
    If we are to live together in peace, there must be no war between us!
    George Chakiris as Balam getting down to the real nitty gritty, to Yul Brynner as Chief Black Eagle in
Kings of the Sun,
1963
    On Penises, Glaringly Obvious Puns and:
    Let’s see how it stands up in the light of day.
    Surgical nurse after the operation in the penis-transplant comedy
Percy,
1971, starring Denholm Elliott and Britt Ekland
    On People, Gaseous:
    People are like gas … I mean, gas fills whatever space it’s in … and people do, too.
    Sexy French lover girl/philosopher/archeologist Valerie Quennessen in
Summer Lovers,
1982, also starring Daryl Hannah and Peter Gallagher
    On Philistines, Snappy Comments from:
    Samson:
If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have answered my riddle.
    Philistine:
You’re a bad loser, strongman.
    Samson and Delilah,
1949, starring Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr
    On Philosophical Talks About Death, Stupid:
    Billy Jack:
Long ago, I learned that he’s my constant companion. He eats with me, he walks with me, he even sleeps with me.
    Prosecutor:
I’m sorry, I must have missed something back there. Who is this faithful companion of yours?
    Billy Jack:
Death.
    Tom Laughlin (Billy), during his trial in
The Trial of Billy Jack,
1974
    On Philosophy, Cool, Man:
    We’re just God’s grass. We get burned and He gets a high, man.
    Dennis Hopper as a drunk staying in a very bad motel where he’s about to be stabbed in
Eye of the Storm,
1991
    On Philosophy Degrees, What You Learn with:
    Man’s search for faith, that sort of shit.
    Cool bouncer Patrick Swayze explaining what he learned while getting his philosophy degree, to Kelly Lynch in
Road House,
1989
    On Pick-up Lines, One of the Worst:
    Is it just me or does the jungle make you really, really horny?
    Owen Wilson, as documentary sound mixer Gary in the Amazon jungle, to his coworker in
Anaconda,
1997
    On Plants, Smart ’n’ Sassy:
    Plants are the most cunning of all life forms!
    Doc Roller (Bernard Kates) in
Seedpeople,
1992
    On Pleas, Heartfelt:
    I don’t want to be killed! I just want to teach English.
    Panicking actor in the TV movie
Echoes in the Darkness,
1987
    On the Pleasures of Life:
    Texan:
A little poontang might ease your mind a bit.
    Cochran:
I killed a man I hated today.
    Texan:
I got ya. You don’t want to mix your pleasures.
    James Gammon (Texan) and Kevin Costner (Cochran) as two down-and-outers bent on revenge against Anthony Quinn in
Revenge,
1990
    On Poems About Electricity, Bad:
    Oh, I had worshiped thee, false god,
    For