Summer Loving by Nicola Yeager

about situations like this? Probably not. I’ll have to handle it the old-fashioned way.
    He removes the fin from the back of the surfboard and places the board flat on the sand. He places his hands on his hips, looks at the board and looks at me. Despite his amusing comments about my boob job, he keeps looking at me and I think he likes it. I think he likes my blonde hair, too, or at least he’s intrigued by the difference it makes. I like him looking at me like that, I decide.
    ‘OK. Right. Let’s crack on then, shall we? There’s a load of health and safety bollocks I’m meant to tell you, but I’m sure you know what’s what by now. Don’t worry about standing up in the water today. We’ll just see if we can get you as far as lying on the board and riding it in that way.’
    ‘Sure. OK.’
    It feels warm and sticky inside the wetsuit and I can’t wait to get in the water.
    ‘Now, you’ve seen me do this loads of times, if your memory stretches back that far. We’ll do it on the sand, so to speak, and then we’ll go in the water once you’ve got it all in your head. We won’t be going in deep; just so the water’s up to your waist.’
    ‘It’s hot, isn’t it?’
    ‘Yeah, I know. It’s the summer. So are you here with a boyfriend or husband? Or one of each?’
    Oh, shit. Here we go.
    ‘Boyfriend.’
    ‘Right. You must be doing pretty well for yourself. This has to be the most expensive hotel in the region.’
    ‘I know. It’s lovely. Great food. Lots of facilities.’
    ‘Well, yeah. Right. First of all, you’ve got to lie flat on the board. When you’re in the water, just drag yourself up it, or get onto it from the side. Doesn’t matter how you do it, you’ve just got to end up lying on it. Have a go and I’ll adjust your position.’
    I lie down on the board. I feel silly.
    ‘It this OK?’
    ‘You’re a bit too far up towards the front. Go down about a foot. That’s it. Not too uncomfortable for you is it? Lying on your chest like that?’
    ‘Very funny.’
    ‘I’m the wittiest guy on the beach.’
    ‘I wouldn’t have guessed it unless you told me.’
    ‘Ouch.’
    I adjust my position as instructed. I keep making eye contact with him all the time. That’s got to stop. I can feel my heart beating. I can imagine Lucille standing a few feet away, watching intently and laughing to herself.
    ‘OK. When you’re in the water, you have to keep looking behind you. When you see a likely wave swelling up, you get on the board, just like you are now. Then you have to paddle. You have to paddle so the board is going at the same speed as the wave. Then you’ll feel it carry you along. Do the paddling action so I can take a look at it.’
    I feel even sillier. I paddle away and my hands keep hitting the sand. It feels really uncomfortable.
    ‘So what does your boyfriend do?’
    ‘He’s in the oil exploration business.’
    ‘Sounds exciting! When you’re paddling, lift your head up and look straight ahead. When you feel the wave taking the board, slide your hands back and grip the sides. Elbows out sideways. You’re getting ready to push yourself up now.’
    This is difficult as the board is flat on the sand, but I manage to grip the sides to Kirsten’s satisfaction.
    ‘That’s it! That’s good! Now hands flat on the board and raise your upper body. Like you’re starting to do a push-up. I bet that feels more comfortable, eh?’
    He laughs at his own gag. I can’t get upset. I know he’s just trying to make me feel at ease with him. I push myself up. My shoulders hurt with the effort.
    ‘What about you? Girlfriend? Wife? Concubine? Lady boy?’
    ‘Wife? Me? Ha! Got a lady boy, though. It’s the done thing out here. Still pre-op, ‘cause that’s the way I like it.’
    ‘I thought as much.’
    ‘Now you get into the crouching position. Get whichever knee you favour right under your chin. Try and feel comfortable, like it’s a well-balanced stance.’
    I get my right knee