Sunshine and the Shadowmaster by Christine Rimmer

chance, because that guy I’d beat up was in bad shape. I had done major, permanent damage to him. But Candace was good, you can’t believe how good. She got me off.”
    Lucas shook his head and gave a low chuckle. “I idolized that woman. And she deserved it. She was —is the best. I was twenty-four. She was thirty. She came from a good family and she radiated class. The kind of woman who would never look twice at a loser like I was. But she shocked me. She did look. We became lovers.”
    â€œAnd she got pregnant?”
    â€œYes. But by the time that happened, it was pretty much over between us. It had been ‘lust’ at first sight, I guess you could say. But it wasn’t something that lasted that long.”
    â€œSo...she came to you, and told you about the baby?”
    â€œYeah. She was straight with me. And when she told me, I don’t know, something happened inside me.” Lucas leaned forward in his chair, as if seeking a clearer view of Heather than the darkness would allow him. “Do you understand? Can you believe what that meant to me? I had nothing. I was nothing. And yet she and I had made this baby. And the baby was everything I never was. Hope. A possible future. A chance to start over and make a different kind of life.”
    â€œYes,” Heather answered softly. “I do. I understand.”
    Lucas sat back again, as if her answer had satisfied him. “It seemed so important. That the baby have a chance. I got down on my knees to Candace. I begged her to keep the baby. I promised her, if she’d just have the baby, I’d make something of myself and take full responsibility for the kid within five years.”
    â€œAnd she agreed?”
    â€œYes. She even married me, so the baby could have my name with no questions asked. But the marriage wasn’t much more than a formality. And we went ahead and got a divorce a few years later. Neither of us was the marrying kind, anyway.”
    He fell silent.
    Heather prompted, “And then what happened?”
    He shifted in the chair again, then went on. “At first, Candace kept Mark with her. But then gradually, she admitted she just didn’t have the time to be a round-the-clock mother. Mark came to live with me. And by that time I’d discovered I had a talent for writing horror.”
    He actually chuckled then. “Hell. I’ve always scared people. I figured I might as well get paid for it.”
    â€œSo what you’re saying is, you did it.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œKept your promise. To make something of yourself.”
    â€œYeah. I kept my promise. But the point is, it was all supposed to be for Mark. If it wasn’t for Mark, for me swearing I’d get my life together to give my kid a chance, I’d still be living on the road, picking up odd jobs and knowing I’d turned out just like my mean old daddy said I would, nobody with nothing. Mark is the reason for everything I am. Everything I have. I’ve worked like a dog for ten years to make a secure life for him. And somehow, in the process, I’ve managed to drop Mark himself completely out of the equation. Which is why I’m sitting here in my stepfather’s dark parlor after midnight, hearing my own damn voice over and over in my head, ‘Not now, Mark. Later, Mark. Soon, Mark...’”
    Heather had that urge again to reach out to him, to touch him. But she controlled it.
    And he continued in a hollow voice. “I can’t stop thinking the worst. I can’t stop thinking that there may never be a soon. There may never be a later.... ”
    Lucas lapsed into silence, then he told her, “In a day or two, if there are no new leads, they’ll start talking about calling off the search. When a kid runs away, there’s only so much they can do. Because he could be anywhere. He could be in L.A. In Colorado. New Mexico. Or dead in a ditch somewhere, with his head bashed