Tabula Rasa by Kitty Thomas

we understanding each other?”
    If Shannon was so good at reading people, why didn’t he know I
wouldn’t rat him out for killing Trevor? Though in honesty, I
wasn’t even sure I wouldn’t have said something to the police, so
maybe his radar was right on the money. Despite saving me, Shannon
had crumbled apart my entire frame for the world. As terrible as it
had been, it was far worse to know I’d suffered for months for no
purpose and that everything I thought I knew of the world was a lie.
There was a part of me that was angry with Shannon for throwing me
into more chaos and for changing the lens I’d been viewing my life
through.
    He snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Elodie. Do we have an
understanding?”
    “Yes.”
    He unbuckled his seat belt and started to open the car door.
    “Shannon?”
    “Yeah?”
    “If you really don’t plan to hurt me, why are you acting like
this?”
    “Just protecting myself. You’re an unknown risk still. You’re
too traumatized and flighty to trust.”
    He was right about that, but still.
    “You’re freaking me out. Can’t you just act normal?”
    “I wouldn’t know where to start.” Shannon got out and locked me
in and went inside to get a room.
    Five minutes later he had a key. It was one of the old-fashioned keys
attached to a red plastic ring where the room number was half worn
away.
    He drove us around to the back of the motel, parking the car where
the license plate was pointed toward the room instead of where anyone
driving by could see it. It was these little details that kept
reminding me how deep in shit I was now. I didn’t know exactly what
this guy was a pro at, but I knew he was a pro.
    I got out and followed him inside. There was only one queen-sized
bed.
    “Why didn’t you get a double room?” There were only two other
guests staying around the front side of the motel and none here at
the back. They would have rooms left with two beds. If he didn’t
have bad intentions why hadn’t he gotten me my own bed?
    Shannon sighed. “One bed, you’re my wife or girlfriend. Two beds,
and you’re an unknown variable. Two beds invites questions of who
you are to me that makes someone remember me beyond the few minutes
it took to check in. It’s never good to create questions in
people’s minds. If you want to be a ghost, you have to learn that
now.”
    I hadn’t said I never wanted to re-integrate into the normal world.
Just not right now. I still hoped I would regain my memory and then
at least have some sense of solid ground underneath me before having
to deal with nosy curiosity.
    I tried to remind myself that this guy actually had friends, that he
explored abandoned theme parks for fun. What had he called himself?
An urban explorer? That sounded like some hipster nonsense. I
couldn’t even imagine how that Shannon meshed with this one.
    Once inside, I used the bathroom then came back out to the main area.
The place was a bit run down, but clean. Well, clean enough. I didn’t
have a black light to shine on the walls, and I probably didn’t
want one. Sometimes a place just looking clean was enough.
    Shannon put the chain on the door and scooted a chair underneath it
like he thought we were going to be under siege any minute. Yet none
of his movement was frantic. It was all calm and calculated, and once
again, I thought he was going to kill me.
    “Lie down on the bed.”
    “W-what?” Or rape me.
    “We’re going to sleep.”
    I wasn’t convinced by his explanation, but he’d kind of blocked
me in here. And I’d gone along with most of the steps along the
way. Suddenly something flashed into my head. It was like a memory,
but I wasn’t sure if it was anything attached to my life personally
or just some random bit of general knowledge my brain had held onto. Don’t let them take you to a second location. Fight like hell to
avoid it.
    I kept telling myself this was my fault somehow. I never should have
asked him not to involve the cops.