Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life by David Topus Page B

compatibilities are obvious, and sometimes we are aware of them unconsciously. But we’ve all had the experience of just liking someone immediately. Often those are the people who become our friends and closest associates.
     
    Another way you will connect quickly is by identifying a common interest, hobby, or line of work. Maybe you went to the same school, grew up in the same part of the country, like the same sports team, or like to spend your free time engaged in the same activities. It might even be that you and the other party are in the same emotional state at the time. If you are at an airport and strike up a conversation with someone who is aggravated but you’re on cloud nine, having just returned home after closing the biggest deal of your life, you probably won’t make a great emotional connection. If, on the other hand, you are also perturbed by some recent experience with the airline or airport service provider, you and your new associate will probably hit it off like great old friends. Consider a sporting event where you and the person next to you are rooting for the same team—or opposing ones. When one team scores and one of you is jumping up and down with happiness and enthusiasm while the other is holding his or her head in disappointment, it’s not a match of emotional states. When both of you are jumping up and down with joy and excitement at the team scoring, you know you have yourself an instant best friend.
     
    And often that attraction happens—or doesn’t happen—in an instant. Most people will decide within the first few seconds of a random encounter whether they want to engage in conversation with you. The other party is assessing whether you are safe or a threat, friend or foe, and whether to engage in conversation or shut you out. And that person will base his or her decision on both conscious and unconscious thoughts about you that stem from how you come across. Therefore, the key to connecting with a complete stranger is to get on that person’s wavelength, showing that you are aligned—and it’s important to do this quickly (see Table 15.1 ).
     
    Table 15.1 A Sampling of Things to Match About Others to Create Rapport, Comfort, and Trust
     
Body posture
Sitting or standing straight
Sitting or standing slumped
Voice speed
Fast
Slow
Voice style
Deep
High
Clipped
Smooth
Voice volume
Loud
Soft
Topics
What’s happening at the moment
Sports
Current events
Politics
Hobbies
Technology
Line of work
Family
Travel destinations
Early life places or experiences
Profession or career
Emotional state
Relaxed
Stressed
Happy
Sad
Bored
Communication style
Creative
Rigid authoritarian
Relaxed
Humorous
Serious
     
    CASE STUDY: How aligned interests (and staying in touch) formed the basis of a profitable relationship for Melissa G., an interior designer.
     
As Melissa tells it:
     
I had signed up for a full-day bus tour of artistic sites such as museums and galleries in the city where I live. This was a treat for myself—something a bit out of the ordinary and something I had wanted to do for a long time.
     
I am always interested in discovering new people, so on the tour bus, I made a point of sitting next to someone, rather than sitting alone. Starting a conversation with my seatmate was easy, since I assumed we both must share a passion for art. We fell into an easy discussion of museums we had seen, favorite artists, and places we both wished to visit in the future. There was an instant bond between us.
     
During our conversation, my new friend mentioned that she had just purchased a town house in the area and was wondering how to decorate it. That was an opening to tell her that I was an interior designer. I did not pitch my services to her, but I did mention that I publish an Ezine online that explored various interior design topics. I asked if she would like to be on the free subscription list. She did and handed me her business card with all of her contact information.
     
The tour ended,