The Black Album by Hanif Kureishi

they but bad manners in the day and bad smells at night? Oh, Shahid, we’ve not always been the best of friends, but it makes me feel rotten to know you’re running in that direction. They will slaughter us soon for thinking. Have you stopped thinking, Shahid?
     
    Shahid No.
     
    Zulma Good. Then go back home at once and help your poor ammi.
     
    Shahid I’ve got to finish my course! Papa wanted me to be educated.
     
    Zulma Yes, he did. But you are spending all your time with those religious fools. Now you have to take charge of the family. When you see that wasted brother of yours, be kind enough to inform him that his place will be taken by you. Ring me when you get to Sevenoaks – I’m going back to Karachi soon.
     
    Shahid You can’t put the mess of your married life on me, Auntie!
     
    Zulma It’s your family I’m thinking of – you have a duty to your ammi.
     
    Zulma storms out. Shahid sits at his desk, finally alone. Puts up Riaz’s poem on his computer screen .
     

    THE MARTYR’S IMAGINATION by Riaz al-Hussein
     
    The windswept sand speaks of adultery in this godless land,
Here Lucifer and colonialists dance and Ibrahim weeps when the sun sets.
Wet bodies and captivating tongues reek of Satan’s hot breath,
But Gibreel’s fragrant green sword will veil the unveiled on the day the sun finally sets.
     
     
    As he starts editing, we hear the sound of his fingers tapping on the keyboard. This segues into sounds of fists pounding on desks .
     

SCENE ELEVEN
     
    The canteen at college. Fists pounding on desks and tables. Shahid enters, sees Hat, who is with Tahira .
     
    Shahid What’s happening?
     
    Hat Democracy in action. Student protest full on.
     
    Shahid What about?
     
    Hat This morning, that woman, Miss Osgood – she hold up the book.
     
    Tahira That book. You hear?
     
    Shahid ( sarky ) A book, in a college?
     
    Hat I say, ‘Put down that book before I … You know what I’m saying, Miss Deedee Osgood?’ I say straight out, our parents pay taxes, here should be British scholarship and brainwaves, not curses. She keep going, ‘This is a classroom. There must be discussion, debate, argument!’
     

    Shahid She’s right …
     
    Tahira Then we start fisting the desk.
     
    Hat All the class take it up, smashing down together.
     
    Tahira Dr Brownlow say we have to be listened to. Our voices suppressed by Osgood types with the colonial mentality. To her we not cool, we coolies.
     
    Hat So Miss Deedee has to stick the book away before someone sticks it –
     
    Tahira That pornographic priestess encourages brothers of colour to take drugs. Then she force them into orgies. They tattoo one another.
     
    Hat ( curious ) With what?
     
    Tahira Tattoo equipment.
     
    Hat ( understanding ) I see.
     
Deedee enters in a rush .
     
    Deedee ( to Hat ) Thanks for the protest, Hat. It’s given me an idea for a new course. ( To Shahid .) ‘The History of Censorship and the Importance of Immorality.’
     
    Shahid Just what we need. How do we sign up?
     
    Deedee Help me circulate these leaflets.
     
She hands over some leaflets .
     
    We’re going to look at everyone from Plato to Brecht –
     
    Tahira ( to Hat ) Yeah, the whole white doo-dah.
     
    Deedee If anyone from your Nation of Islam’s made a contribution to world literature, add them to the list. Can you think of anyone, Tahira?
     
    She stares at Tahira. A stand-off. Chad enters, carrying a copy of The Satanic Verses. A beat. He exchanges looks with Deedee. And sees the leaflets in Shahid’s hand .
     
     
    ( To Shahid .) Get as many students as you can, Shahid.
     
    Deedee exits. Chad snatches the leaflets from Shahid and flings them after her .
     
    Tahira Isn’t it funny that nudists always keep their shoes on?
     
    Chad Give me the stick, Hat.
     
    Shahid You’re a joker, man, if you think you’re going to start beating people!
     
    Tahira Yeah, just what she needs!
     
    Chad ( to Hat ) The string, too! What you waiting