The Book of Bloke by Ben Pobjie Page A

drinks and Save Live Music petitions of the inner metropolitan regions. Curiously, in the mature stage of their life cycle, the Artist will, if successful in his chosen profession, move back out to the country, where he will sit smugly looking at the trees and bragging about how connected to the land he is.
    Most Artists are not successful, due to the distressingly large supply-demand gap in the Artist world, and so the usual habitat for the species is usually the small, trendy pub, where Artists go to complain about the lack of public funding for the arts, or else in their own home, sobbing quietly. They can also be found working in record stores, or pretending to sketch people in Centrelink.
    The belief that the Artist is just a strain of other Bloke species is understandable when you consider the parallels between him and his closer relations. For instance, like a Snag, most of the time the Artist will express deep sensitivity towards and solidarity with women, and pride himself on his feminist credentials and ability to see the human race in a more enlightened and egalitarian way. Unlike the Snag, however, the Artist will consider this attitude to be mostly theoretical, acknowledging the equality of women in general, but frequently treating actual live women as, essentially, disposable art supplies. Some have described this as ‘cruel’, but it may be unfair to judge the Artist too harshly because, when observing the Artist’s treatment of the opposite sex, it is important to recognise that, unlike other Blokes who mistreat women, at least the Artist may get a nice drawing out of the experience.
    Just as the Artist’s socio-sexual attitudes have something in common with the Snag, there are also strong similarities with the Tunester, as the Artist is passionately committed to an art form, and allows it to utterly consume his life. The main difference is that, unlike most Tunesters, Artists are actually trying to make a living from the art form in question; therefore, while being passionately committed, the Artist will at the same time loathe the art form and secretly wish he’d gone to business school. Of course, it is still entirely possible for him to actually go to business school, but that is the tragedy of the Artist: he wishes his life could take a different course, but that sounds like a lot of work.
    The Artist also has much in common with the Leftite – the two species’ politics often intersect, and Artists are frequently recruited by Leftites to assist in their pointless campaigns. A minority of Artists will also swing the other way, identifying with Rightoid political theory because they think it makes them seem iconoclastic. Many of the internal disputes within Artist society in the past have been caused by ferocious disagreement over which political stance makes one more special.
    The Artist is a unique presence in the Bloke kingdom, wandering about the streets, ghost-like, floating through social structures without ever really becoming a part of them. They do gather in social groups from time to time to discuss art, compare notes, and pretend not to hate each other. Generally, however, they prefer solitude, because it gives them an opportunity to say ‘I prefer solitude’. A major marker of status in Artist society is the ability to brood, with the most highly regarded Artists often able to achieve a Brood Intensity Rating of up to +12, and sustain their brooding for over fourteen hours at a stretch. If you see an Artist brooding in a corner of a bar or on a park bench, keep your distance – or go up to him and tell him how darkly fascinating you think he is: either should make him happy. Don’t expect him to look happy, though: that would kind of defeat the purpose.
    This is not to say that Artists are incapable of joviality or bonhomie. Indeed, Artists often throw the most raucous and ebullient of parties, and do go through phases of gregariousness and merriment. However, these are generally