The Book of Bloke by Ben Pobjie

the Kerrang, the Furiouscore also stands out because of his intense dislike of wherever he happens to be. Many people, in fact, would reject the Furiouscore’s claim to be a Bloke given his pronounced lack of patriotism, but this overlooks the fact that a common trait within the Bloke kingdom is what might be termed ‘anti-Blokeism’. In the case of Furiouscores, hating their country and the shackles it imposes is a big part of their identity; if they were anywhere else, they’d hate it just as much, but it’s best not to mention this to them as they may headbutt you or make you listen to Black Flag.
    Furiouscores also tend to have an intense dislike of other Tunesters, especially the Unkempt Strummer – if forced to spend any length of time in the company of a Strummer, most Furiouscores will quickly resort to violence.
    Like all Tunesters, the Furiouscore’s taste in music dictates their behaviour in other areas of life, including table manners, conversation, and sexual intercourse, which for the Furiouscore resembles nothing so much as a jackhammer with a grudge. Effective and yet not exactly joyous, their approach to mating stands in stark contrast to the light-headed rhythms of the Greater Doofer, the wild abandon of the Kerrang, the meditative gradualism of the Strummer, or even the rarely seen atonal minimalist pumping of the now critically endangered Tunester species, the Vested Glassblower .
    It can be seen from these examples just how divided the various Tunester breeds are, and in many ways this is a shame. It is inherent in the Tunester’s nature to be suspicious and often hostile towards other Tunesters, and so the Tunester community finds itself unable to band together against the outside world, which tends to find all breeds equally aggravating. However, the Tunester fills an important niche in Bloke society, and, as a broadly peace-loving Bloke, can usually be relied upon to provide soothing words, comforting tunes and possibly some trivia about the Velvet Underground if it’s needed. Tunesters are often not the ‘Blokiest’ of Blokes, but they are full-blooded Blokes nonetheless, and a beautiful part of the rich tapestry of Blokedom. They bring music into our hearts, whether we want them to or not, and we would be poorer without them.
BLOKEFACTS!
    Did you know
… the 2003 Bloke census determined that the five most common Bloke occupations were auto mechanic, plumber, gardener, website designer, and parliamentary whip.

Artists
    The Artist is an unusual Bloke, and one who has been the subject of much intense study, even furious debate, among experts. Combining many elements from other species, particularly Snags and Tunesters, in the past, the Artist has been considered by some Blokeologists to not even be a separate species, but rather a random mutation. However, the accumulation of reliable studies showing the size and breadth of Artist populations, together with anthropological surveys demonstrating the uniqueness and undeniable richness of Artist culture, are convincing proof of definitive speciation. There is also no doubt that they share a common ancestor with the Snag and the Tunester, and their similarities allow the species to mix together freely in a social context and lend each other books.
    Artists are usually quite recognisable in public due to their ragged, avant-garde clothing, carefully unkempt hairstyles, and expressions of deep dissatisfaction with the world. A Bloke with paint-spattered jeans, black thick-framed glasses, or an ill-fitting suit jacket worn over an angry sloganeering T-shirt, is probably an Artist. They are not usually friendly to strangers, and can become quite aggressive if roused, so do not approach one unless you are willing to offer him free alcohol.
    Artists generally stick to urban areas, and, if by unlucky chance they end up born in suburban or rural regions, will head for the city the first chance they get, desperate to find sustenance in the overpriced