The Boyfriend Bylaws by Susan Hatler Page A

ultimate enticement. Ellen and Henry had met, fallen in love, and married all in the last six months. They were sickeningly sweet, but I’d bet Henry leaving his balled up socks by the living room recliner day after day wouldn’t be so endearing by their first anniversary.
    “Look, El. I appreciate the thought. Really. If the last three set-ups you planned hadn’t made me want to stab myself repeatedly with that letter opener, I’d totally be all over it.”
    She glanced at the silver letter opener in my pencil holder, and then pointed a finger at me. “I knew you were holding a grudge against me for Wayne. How was I supposed to know he wasn’t over Sharon?”
    “It’s not just Wayne, and you know it.” My bad blind dates blipped through my brain:
    Blind Date #1: Cute, successful, and charming. Until dessert, when he suggested we head back to his place for some “whipped cream fun.” Claimed his nickname was Rock because he could rock a woman’s world.
    Blind Date #2: Late, disheveled, and talked about his ex-wife the entire night. He cried at the end, announcing he didn’t think he was quite ready for dating. Uh, you think? Wayne now attends bi-weekly therapy sessions trying to figure out how to win Sharon back.
    Blind Date #3: Salesman who spent an hour explaining my good fortune that he’d yet to tie the knot. He gave me his top ten reasons why he was a stellar catch. To end the date, I gave him my top ten reasons for cleaning out my doggy’s litter box.
    I shook my head. Ellen’s heart was in the right place, but the nuts and bolts of her screening process needed serious tightening. “I’d rather watch Sex and the City reruns with Chester tonight than suffer through another bad date.”
    “Trust me, this one will be different. Henry’s friend is in his softball league and he sounds like a Ten. If I weren’t already taken, I’d go for him myself.” Ellen sat on the small filing cabinet next to my desk, stared me straight in the eye, and softened her voice. “I think you’ll have a fun time with him. Fourth time’s a charm, Rach.”
    “Charm doesn’t last.” I sighed. It’d been a year since Jeremy and I’d broken up. After two years of trying to make it work with him, he’d started seeing my hairdresser behind my back. I’d known her special haircut/highlight price was too good to be true. Nope, love just wasn’t in the cards for me.
    The door to Noah Peterson’s office opened. Ellen and I peered over my sparsely decorated cubicle.
    Noah had been with the company for two months now. He had the best sales record of all the VPs, the friendliest personality in the software biz, and the most gorgeous blue eyes I’d ever seen.
    Yes, I’d noticed Noah. It was hard not to. He paused outside his office, leaned against the doorjamb, and scanned something in the open file he was holding.
    “Hey, Noah.” Melinda Morgan, our lead customer service rep, swept in and sidled up next to him in her tight v-neck sweater.
    Ellen and I exchanged a look. Melinda worked out two hours every day, and had the body to show for it. She’d dated two of the VPs already, and it was only a matter of time before she latched her red-painted talons into Noah.
    I marveled at Melinda’s skillfully applied make-up. In the morning, I barely had time to make coffee and throw my hair into a twist before I ran late for the office. As for the gym, forcing myself to a yoga class once a week seemed enough of a return on my monthly membership dues.
    “Happy Valentine’s Day.” Melinda told Noah in a way that breathed sex. Jealousy surged up my spine.
    “Valentine’s Day.” Noah batted the manila file against his forehead. “So, that’s what’s up with all those flower deliveries today. Here I figured we had a horticulture department I didn’t know about.”
    I choked on my laugh and Ellen coughed to cover hers. Add a sense of humor to what made Noah number one on my wish list.
    “Hmmm.” Melinda didn’t appear to