The Complete Roderick by John Sladek Page A

ceremony. I hope you will treat me as any ordinary visitation, yes?’
    ‘Yes of course if your – if you – but this way to the elevator.’
    Crowded in with the Shah, his secretary and five enormous bodyguards, she found conversation difficult. It was hard enougheven to see him over a padded shoulder, and the smell of pomade (heavy with patchouli) took her breath. When she informed him that the weather was unusually mild and Springlike, not at all like last week’s, he simply beamed and said nothing. When she asked if he’d had a pleasant journey, he nodded. Did he understand? Did he speak English? Was it impolite to talk in elevators in Ruritania? Finally she gave up and consulted her card notes.
    He would want to see the library, examine a Ruritanian manuscript, and visit the history department. Then –
    He suddenly snatched the card from her hand. After examining it through his lorgnette, he passed it to the secretary, a tiny dark man with bad teeth.
    ‘It’s simply our itinerary,’ she began, but they were arguing in their exotic language. Or was it arguing? Whatever it was, it continued as they strolled out into the sunshine.
    Finally the Shah beamed at her. ‘Forgive our ugly manners, Dr Boag. My secretary wishes me to follow to the letter this thoughtful itinerary you have for us provided. He worries, you see, for the security. I however have other
tastes.’
He grimaced so on the word that she fell back a step.
    ‘I – see. I – well I had planned –’
    ‘Moment. I must confess that libraries leave me “cold”. And history was never my “strong” subject. But if you will forgive me, there are two things I should admire seeing. The horses’ barns, first of all. And the computers. I greatly admire the computers.’
    ‘Your Inc – the campus is of course at your disposal. I have a car waiting if you’ll –’
    ‘No,’ said a guard. He and the others, their faces expressionless behind sunglasses, herded the little party past the official car to another, a long Mercedes with gold fittings.
    ‘My
car,’ said the Shah, and twirled his lorgnette. ‘I am sure you will find it greatly comfy, yes?’
    ‘Well yes of course, if –’
    A guard slapped the door with a giant hand. ‘Is better,’ he threatened. ‘Bombproof.’
    Not an auspicious start. She began to envy the committee.
    Tarr slammed down the phone as Bud Aikin came in. ‘Great, just great. Tried calling Rogers and he’s off sick. Sick!’
    ‘You mean he won’t – ?’
    ‘– be there to steer our proposal through the committee. We’ve just wasted our time – what are you looking so pleased about?’
    ‘Well, the paper says –’
    ‘That’s not the worst of it. Only reason I called up Rogers was to get him to change the title on our proposal, too late now. They’ve got it, forty-six copies already in the committee room with that title staring them in the face, why didn’t somebody tell me? Why didn’t you point the acronym out to me, I have to think of everything around here – something amusing, Bud?’
    ‘No, just, did you see the paper? It says –’
    ‘Research into Psychically-Oriented Flock Flight,
why do I have to do everything my, what paper?’
    Aikin held up the
Caribou.
‘You know how I predicted another body? A fourth body at the Student Union? Well here it is! Some freshman shot himself right on the steps, how’s that for precognition? Listen: “The body of Bill Hannah, 20 …”’
    ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
    ‘“… and Wesson .38 … cassette suicide note in his pocket. Hannah blamed his failing Grade Point Average, .95 last … member of Digamma Upsilon Nu and son of Dr …” Anyway there it is, my prediction.’
    Tarr began filling his pipe. ‘And frankly, Bud, I wonder if you know either.’
    ‘But you, you saw me do it, with the map, remember? And the p-p-p – the vibrating dangly thing, remember? You and Byron were witnesses!’
    He lit his pipe and puffed out an