The Confession by Jeanette Muscella Page B

and I always
had a
complicated relationship, and the fault
lies with me. I resented him for many reasons that I do not want to
discuss today. As I grew into adulthood, the resentment grew
stronger. He took someone away from me that I treasured. For the
first time in my life, I felt love for someone, and he
took that away from me.”
    The shock on Lydia’s face
made him cringe. Looking at her, he said, “You knew I loved you. I
told you many times how I felt, but you never gave our relationship
a chance to develop. You set your eyes on Adam, and that
was the end of our relationship. I never had the opportunity to accept the end of our
relationship . You were always throwing your
happiness in my face, and it made me angry and bitter. What made
me more
indignant was my inability to stay away
from you. If I could not have you as a lover, I wanted you as a
friend.”
    “I thought I could handle
being close to you, but I couldn’t. My love for you grew stronger until it strangled me. I
did something incredibly stupid and wrong on so many levels. I drugged you and took advantage of you. It was
the worst day of my life. When I awoke from my drunken stupor, the
guilt nearly killed me. I contemplated taking my life, but being
the selfish bastard that I was at the time, I did not have the
courage to kill
myself.”
    “I ran to the church and confessed everything. I had to get the vileness out of my
body. I had to find a way to seek forgiveness and cleanse my body
of the guilt. On some level, I was relieved you did not remember
what had happened. It made leaving much easier for me knowing you
would not remember. Had I know you were pregnant…well…I do not know
what I would have done at the time. I was too young and apparently lacking the morals to make any decision.”
    “I have been accused of
hiding behind the
sanctity of the church to avoid
punishment. Believe
me when I say that I have punished myself
far beyond the laws of justice. My faith is the one tangible
reality in my life. I hope that all of you can forgive me for my
past transgressions, and know I am a changed man. What happened
that night will weigh heavily on my soul for the remainder of my
life. Every day I strive to be a better person, a better priest. I
do love all of you and pray for forgiveness.” John wiped a tear
from his face, turned, and left the room.
    Adam and Lydia looked at
each other, apparently shocked by his confession.
Gail turned to her mother and opened her arms. Lydia sat beside her
daughter and cradled her gently. “It’s ok honey. Daddy and I love
you so very much. Nothing that was said today will change how
much we love you.”
    Gail looked at Adam with
sadness in her eyes. “Don’t be upset, munchkin. You will
always be my baby girl. No one will ever love you more than I do. I
want you to lie back and go to sleep. Mommy and I will be here when
you wake up. Always remember that we love you.”
    “Daddy, will you hold my hand until I
fall asleep?”
    Taking off his shoes, Adam carefully
climbed into bed and wrapped his arm around Gail. “I’ll always be
here for you Gail. Close your eyes and let me hold you for a little
while. I miss holding my baby girl.”
    Gail closed her eyes and held her
father’s hand as she slowly relaxed. Lydia felt hot tears stream
down her face. Silently, she said to Adam, “I love you.”
    “Love you too sweetheart, always
will.”

Chapter 10
    I don’t know what to do
with myself. I cannot go back to the rectory. My mind is racing
with many unresolved emotions. I feel the urge to run away. I do
not know how long I have been driving, or where I am. The look of
disappointment on Gail’s beautiful face cuts like a knife. She
hates me. I feel it down to my marrow. I will never have a
relationship with her. I will soon feel the wrath of my
entire family and rightly deserve their ire. I am so tired. I
have to stop driving before I cause an accident.
    Bright light awakens me and I slowly
open my eyes. Looking