The Dark Lord's Handbook by Paul Dale

in fact no better than yourself then they may become so overwhelmed with remorse that they become useless.
    What is more likely is that they will get angry and claim that in fact they are nothing like you and will never be like you. An ironic laugh at this juncture is in order. (You should seek to master a range of laughter for different occasions.) Ask them to join you at your side so that together you can bring peace to the world; it will infuriate them further. When they say ‘ Never!’ point out all those that have died as a consequence of their selfishness. (If you have any kind of magical talent, or are able to commune with the dead, then shades of these fallen companions are a nice detail to throw in.)
    Though heroes may be likened to putty – to be shaped to your designs and will – as ever there are hazards in dealing with them. Heroes tend to burn brightly but it is not generally incandescent intelligence. It’s more likely their perfect set of pearly teeth, burnished armour and wicked sword that impresses. Being one of superior intelligence there will doubtless arise the temptation to explain in excruciating detail exactly how clever your plan for world domination is and how they are powerless to stop you. This is tempting fate, and fate is easily tempted. The result is not pleasant and frequently results in the loss of limbs and the ability to breathe. The art of monologue is one that all Dark Lords should master but don’t get carried away.
    Likewise, to use a concrete example, should you be known as Morden the Merciless then be without mercy; do not leave a hero to his fate, which appears to be certain death. Remember, when it comes to heroes, nothing is certain, least of all death. Kill them. At least try hard to and with them in sight. Don’t assume that because they have plummeted to certain death they are dead.
    If you entrust a minion with killing a hero and when they return you ask them, ‘Are they dead?’, and the minion answers, ‘Yes’, but on closer examination it turns out he was left in a pool of ravenous piranhas with a large stone tied around their ankles, he without doubt escaped. It’s how it is. Kill the minion and make it clear to those present that recognisable body parts are the only acceptable proof.
    There is one more approach a Dark Lord can take when it comes to heroes and that is to try and stop them appearing in the first place. Heroes are generally only needed when there is a Dark Lord and they are often late in appearing. This means a Dark Lord may well have the world under his dominion before a hero rises to challenge him. (There is an interesting literary explanation for this that is included in Appendix B.)
    Assuming the hero will be male, killing all men is not feasible. Likewise, reading the prophecies and deciding to kill all first born sons under a certain age has met with little success. It’s not specific enough. If there is a prophecy, though it is likely that it is nothing more than hopeful self-fulfilling generalisations, there may be clues. Historical precedent may also be used. A surprising number of heroes come from humble backgrounds. Often they are orphans whose parentage has been hidden. They are raised as a family’s own but sooner or later the six foot giant with flaming red hair is told by his dwarf parents that he is not their actual offspring. It comes as quite a shock.
    Common professions are sheep herder or woodcutter, but the one that outstrips all others is blacksmith. Morden, if you are up against an orphan raised in the heat of a smithy by a grizzled veteran who took pity on the whelp then trouble is at hand.
    Fortunately, the uncertain parentage of an orphan is a crucial emotional scar that must be opened and used to undermine them. When he is standing before you in the final confrontation, if you happen to be his father, this is the time to reveal the fact. Even if you are not, it is worth suggesting you are anyway. It will mess with his