The Forbidden by Beverly Lewis Page B

weakness, she thought, realizing she’d have to curb that impulse if she was to have enough to make car payments.
    She turned her attention to the man behind the steering wheel. Glenn seemed to be in no hurry to discover where they’d gone off the beaten path. More eager to get home now, she asked, “Are you thinking we should retrace our steps?”
    “Not just yet.”
    She felt tense suddenly . . . and irritated.
    “We’ll turn back soon enough,” he said.
    Trying not to sigh too loudly, Rhoda guessed Glenn merely needed to sit there and talk awhile longer.
    Nellie felt fully contented while riding over the back roads in Caleb’s borrowed carriage. She relaxed as he rambled, talking now of his Yoder relatives who’d left the Old Ways decades ago. “I scarcely know them, but they’re close with my cousin Aaron and his family.”
    “Oh?”
    “Their grandparents made the mistake Preacher Manny and so many are makin’ even now.”
    He means my parents, too.
    “Turning away from the Ordnung?” she asked.
    “Well, more than that. Not only did they leave the church, but they skipped over a few of the more conservative churches, makin’ a beeline for the Mennonites.”
    “Who do ya mean?”
    He paused.
    Had her question caused him distress, asking about this branch of his family tree, no longer in the fold? “It’s all right, Caleb. I don’t have to know, really.”
    “Well, I daresay you oughta . . .” He reached for her hand. “I ’spect their leavin’ the People influenced your Suzy away from the church . . . which led to her death.”
    “What?” Startled, she looked at him.
    “I recently heard that several of my own cousins were with Suzy the day she drowned. Dreadful news.”
    Nellie wouldn’t admit already knowing as much from Suzy herself. “She was with a whole group of young people that day,” she pointed out.
    “Oh, there were plenty there, all right. But my own kin would never have been present had their grandparents remained in the old church. Don’t ya see, Nellie, everything has its consequence? You choose where you’ll go, what you’ll do. Everything affects everything else.”
    His words seemed important, even insightful. “This troubles you, ain’t so?” she said.
    “I can see the future. Ours.” His words were barely audible. “If we don’t exercise our will—”
    “Over your father’s?” she interrupted. “Oh, Caleb . . . this seems very hard.”
    “I’ll find a way for Daed to accept you.” He kissed her hand. “I must.”
    He leaned his head against hers as though they were molded in thought. Deeply upset, he was, and no wonder. Their future, their love, was entwined with strife.
    She choked back tears. “Sometimes I see a boat in my mind . . . like the rowboat Suzy fell out of,” she began. “Dat, Mamma, my family—all of them—are in it, leavin’ me behind for a distant shore. I feel that if I don’t catch that boat somehow, I’ll be stuck on the other side forever. It worries me somethin’ awful, to tell you the truth.”
    He squeezed her hand. “Your heart’s tender toward your family, is all.”
    Hearing his care, the gentleness in his voice, Nellie began to sob. “Don’t you see? If I keep refusin’ to go to church with Mamma and Dat, I’ll miss out on knowing more ’bout Suzy’s faith. Yet if I join the new church and you remain in the old, we’ll never have a chance to wed.” She wept into her hands.
    “Oh, Nellie. Don’t cry . . . don’t.”
    Caleb fell silent. More than anything, Nellie hated the thought of being divided from either him or her family. Yet she could not help but notice the excitement her parents and Nan now had for Sunday Preaching and evening Scripture reading.
    Caleb’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Nellie, we mustn’t lose each other. Not for anyone or anything.”
    She wished she could clearly see his dear countenance . . . his hazel eyes. “I must sound all mixed-up to you, and believe me, I am