The Full Ridiculous by Mark Lamprell Page B

façade. Pretty soon he drops all pretence at flippancy and starts to interrogate Rosie and Juan, who are bewildered by his intensity.
    Exhausted by the previous night’s events and on edge about her first day back at school, Rosie bursts into tears. Juan tells Declan to back off. Declan accuses Juan of stealing the pencil case. Juan says he’s not even at school anymore, why would he want pencils? Declan shouts, ‘Give it back!’ Rosie wails like a wounded animal and Wendy yells, ‘Stop!’
    You grab Declan’s collar, pull his face close to yours and say, ‘Get down to the car now. I’m driving you to school.’
    Declan enacts the small miracle that teenagers perform occasionally, and does as he is told. Wendy briefly attempts to stop you driving because of your leg but you tell her you have done it before; you will not be dissuaded.
    You march-clomp down to the car and reverse out of the driveway so fast that Declan turns to you, alarmed. You stare back, daring him to utter one word of protest, hoping he’ll be dumb enough to complain because, boy, once a dialogue opens, watch out!
    Who are you angry with? the voice inside your head says, Your son or that cop? Or yourself? For that piss-weak, kow-towing performance last night?
    Pop.
    It happens in an instant. You started the car knowing exactly how to handle your son, what to say and do. But now your certainty bursts and vanishes like a pricked bubble. Your mind races chaotically, playing out various successful and unsuccessful scenarios. You equivocate wildly, wondering how to begin this critical discussion. What are the basic requirements of this interaction? You need Declan to tell you the who, what, when, where and why of the drugs. You need him to see and acknowledge the error of his ways. You need to discuss punishment and develop a strategy so that it never happens again. Come on too hard and he’ll shut right down. It’s critical not to operate out of your anger. You must remain clear and calm.
    Clear and calm. Clear and calm. Clear and calm. Clearandcalm. Clearandcalm.
    The needle gets stuck in a groove. All the way to the Mount Karver gates, that’s all you think, all you can think, until you realise that you will probably never in your life feel clear and calm again.
    You pull up at the school and Declan says, ‘Bye,’ and you say, ‘Bye,’ and that is the extent of your conversation.
    Driving home, you say aloud, ‘You are pathetic. You are a failure.’
    And then something occurs to you with utter certainty: the good part of your life is over; the bad part has begun.
    Wendy drops Rosie for her first day back at Boomerang but, instead of heading on to her office, she comes home. When you see her car in the driveway you assume she has returned to find out about your discussion with Declan, but you discover that she has news of her own.
    When Wendy dropped Rosie at school, there was a tap on the window and the headmistress was standing there, smiling. She wanted to welcome Rosie back to school personally. Rosie responded politely and headed to the locker room. Wendy then took the opportunity to brief Christina Bowden about the events of the previous evening. Christina was surprised and, although restrained in her expression, clearly appalled.
    Wendy inquired why the headmistress had not informed her that the police were taking statements. Christina said she had no knowledge of any inquiry by anyone other than herself. She had had no contact whatsoever with the police about the Rosie–Eva fight. She had never heard of Constable Lance Johnstone.
    Wendy asked how an inquiry could have taken place without Christina’s knowledge and consent. Christina suggested that the only possible scenario was that the police made inquiries during the holidays while the pupils were at home. Upon further reflection, it seemed extremely unusual that not one single parent of the supposed seven witnesses phoned or inquired about the matter; under such circumstances,