The Godson by Robert G. Barrett

Cristal. ‘You sure you won’t have some?’ Norton shook his head as Peregrine settled back into the bath. ‘Well, I left you and came to my room. Had a bite to eat, got cleaned up and found I was a bit over-tired. So I thought I’d nip down to the bar and have a drink or two before retiring. Anyway, I’m in there, sipping a bottle of champers, minding my own business and admiring a photo of Carol Drinkwater on the wall, when this spoofer, all dressed in black with a ridiculous black hat on and some stupid medallion strung round his neck comes up, thrusts a microphone in my face and demands an interview. I told him to naff off and went back to the bar. So whoever he is, follows me over and starts pestering me again.’
    Norton looked at Peregrine for a moment and shook his head. ‘That doesn’t sound like Pratt’s style. He’s generally pretty polite.’
    â€˜Well,’ conceded Peregrine, ‘I must admit I
was
rather drunk… Anyway, he said he was an announcer for radio something or other. I looked at him in his black outfit with his boring, droning voice and told him I thought he lookedmore like an out-of-work magician. One word led to another and, I don’t know, maybe I was tired, or maybe it was the champagne. So I conked him.’
    â€˜You what?’ Norton had to blink.
    â€˜I nutted him. You know.’ Peregrine slipped straight into a full on cockney accent like something out of Minder. ‘I nutted the geezer — din’t I guv. Your muwer got a sewing machine, squire? Well get that stitched. Oi!’ Despite himself Norton couldn’t help but smile. ‘Anyway, I don’t think anyone has ever laid a hand on this blithering bandersnatch before because he let out this most diabolical howl. It was despicable. So I kneed the bounder in the cods. And I might add, he went down like the jolly Titanic.’ Norton stared and shook his head. ‘The next thing I know, this other toad with a head like a soccer ball and a face like a bent smiley button, has appeared out of nowhere with some other wally and started taking photos. Then Security arrived. I insisted they throw the entire rabble out and retired to my room forthwith. Next thing I know it’s morning. I’m enjoying my breakfast kipper and the whole thing’s in one of your local bin-liners. It’s all very boring really.’
    Norton shook his head and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. ‘I don’t bloody well believe it,’ he groaned.
    â€˜Believe what you like, old boy,’ said Peregrine. ‘But I absolutely insist on one thing. It wasn’t my fault.’
    Peregrine took a deep breath and submerged beneath the foam, leaving Norton staring at a skinny white arm holding a glass of champagne above the surface. Despite himself, a giant ripple of laughter shook his entire body. Peregrine might be an awful snob, but he was definitely a man after Les’s heart. And where had Norton heard those words before? It wasn’t my fault.
    â€˜Anyway, Peregrine,’ said Les, when the Englishman surfaced for air. ‘You’re definitely going to have to lay low now, mate. No going out. And no leaving the room.’
    â€˜
Au contraire
, old boy,’ insisted Peregrine. ‘After all that sleep and a few tipples, I feel absolutely tip-top. So I’m off into the city and then it’s out on the tiles tonight. Let’s get something straight between us, Les.’ Peregrine fixed Norton with an even look. ‘I appreciate what you’re doing, though I do think it’s a great load of waffle all round. But I am not your prisoner. Okay? So I’m off into town. Because I know that tomorrow you’re dragging me off to some remote part of this godforsaken wilderness for two weeks.’ Peregrine drained his glass. ‘Gad! It’s all too ghastly to even contemplate.’
    Norton’s face began to scowl. ‘Listen,