The Knowing: Awake in the Dark by Nita Lapinski

interested in “psychic phenomena.” I remained unclear as to what the term actually meant and I didn’t share my unique experiences with her because I didn’t know that’s what they were. I had no clue that I might be psychic. Despite the cost, we each had our private half-hour reading which I will never forget.
    Boots sat in a dim room Indian style on a giant beanbag chair in a dark office that reeked of incense. Across from her, scattered on the floor, were several vacant beanbags in various colors and sizes. I nervously sat in one and stared at the woman.
    Her belly protruded like a Buddha and her face cascaded into her neck as though she had no chin. Her brown eyes glistened. “Welcome,” she said. “Come closer and let me see you and hold your hands.”
    I did as I was told, staying as silent as a monk.
    Inhaling deeply, she smiled and said, “Oh yes, you are a mystic, a seer. You will help many people in your life. You are gifted. You’ve suffered a great deal of pain and I’m afraid you have a rocky road ahead of you.”
    Her insight surprised me.
How does she know if I’ve suffered? What does she see?
I
knew
she was right that I would help people, I’d always
known
it, but like much of the
knowing,
I couldn’t fully grasp it. My self-esteem was so low that I couldn’t imagine doing anything good. Still, I hung on her every word. I desperately wanted her to be right.  I leaned forward and blurted, “I had an abortion. I killed a soul.” Tears welled and I couldn’t believe I’d told her of my sin.
    I’d suspected I was pregnant days after the disastrous incident at Aaron’s and I was terrified to tell my mother. I gathered my courage and approached her one morning while she applied her make-up getting ready for work.
     
    “I think I’m pregnant,” I confessed.
    “Oohh, Nita. Jesus Christ.” My mother’s body sagged and then went rigid. “I’ll make an appointment with my Gynecologist,” she said “and we will take care of it.”
    That was the end of any discussion. I worried that the
light-body
and God would be angry but I was relieved that my mother would help me without condemning me. I’d had the abortion only days before our session with Boots.
    Boots sat in silence for a moment then she gently squeezed my hands and said, “You are not powerful enough to kill a soul. None of us are. Before we incarnate on this earth plane, we choose our parents, siblings, sex, social economic situation and more because these things best support our life path and what we plan to learn. There are no mistakes. The soul which moved through your body knew you would not keep it. It was the soul’s choice. You helped each other and we cannot know the hows/whys on this level of consciousness and they don’t matter. To know them changes nothing.”
    “But I killed it.” I squeaked, openly crying.
    “I know that’s what some would have you believe. Souls don’t die, human bodies do.  A soul has many choices. Sometimes the soul wants to lower its vibration and prepare for incarnation. They may use your body to do so, moving in and out of a physical form. It’s an agreement that was made before you were born and many will share in the lesson of your experience. The doctor, nurses, you, your family or those touched in some way by your action will have their own lesson. Again, we don’t know. Have you heard of SIDS disease?”
    “You mean where babies die in their sleep for no reason?”
    “Yes. As long as the soft spot in the crown is open a soul is free to come and go. Sometimes the soul has either previously agreed to leave or they make the choice to leave and try again. We are reflections of God and we have free will. There are very few accidents although they do occur. In your case, it’s doubtful.  You agreed to assist a soul and the soul assisted you, there is no blame.”
    I felt my body shimmy with goose bumps and I felt the truth in her words. Encouraged I went on. “I see stuff