The Life List (The List Trilogy) by Chrissy Anderson

winning.”
    “Maybe you’re right. But there are wonderful things about Kurt too.”
    “I’m sure there are plenty of wonderful things about him just like there are plenty of wonderful things about you. And initially all of those wonderful things are what attracted you to each other, but maybe you two were always on separate paths.”
    “Are you saying we should give up on each other? Because I don’t want to give up on him.”
    “Not at all. Any marriage can be repaired if both people want to fix it and conversely, any marriage can end if both people agree they made a mistake.”
    “I don’t want my marriage to be a mistake. I wanna share my dreams with Kurt and have him share back. I wanna feel close to him. I wanna have the kind of marriage with him that I always dreamt of: intimate, special, nurturing. Can you help me with all of that?”
    “I’m going to do my best to help the two of you get what you need.”
    “Gosh, Dr. Maria, so many thoughts are stacked in my head, I can’t make sense out of anything anymore.”
    “You know what happens when too much gets stacked in our heads?”
    “Yeah, we cheat on our husbands.”
    I got a slight smile out of her on that one.
    “Not necessarily, but it’s safe to say that one would eventually go nuts if they kept all of their true feelings and thoughts to themselves, never feeling safe from harassment for being authentic.  It would make for a very lonely world right?”
    “Very lonely.”
    “Tell me, what do you do for a living?”
    “I’m the Vice President of a clothing company.”
    “Wow, so young to have such a big job.”
    “Yeah, I get that a lot.”
    “Do you like your job?”
    “On the one hand, I love what I do because I’m good at it. But on the other hand, I resent my career because of how demanding it is. It’ll never allow me to be what I’d like to be.”
    “What’s that?”
    “A mom. And if time permitted and it didn’t take away from my family, I imagined having a job that felt more like a hobby, like an interior decorator or a writer or something. I feel like I have something creative in me that’s dying to get out. It sounds very spoiled and stupid, I know.”
    “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. Tell me, what’s your relationship like with the people at work?”
    “They probably don’t like me very much. I’m tough. But they ask for my advice a lot, so I take that as a sign of respect. I enjoy helping them solve their problems, and I think I’m pretty good at it.”
    “Does Kurt mingle with the people you work with?”
    “Oh no, no, no. He wouldn’t like who I am around them.”
    “Explain that to me.”
    “I don’t know if I can. I’m not sure I understand it myself.”
    “You just got done telling me you’re good at what you do and you enjoy helping the people you work with, but then you say your husband wouldn’t like you in that environment. Why?”
    “I guess he would think I was too controlling. He wouldn’t like my dark sense of humor my abrasiveness…uh, my high standards. I don’t let people hold me back. He doesn’t like those things at home so why would he like them there?”
    “Do you think Kurt’s holding you back?”
    She got me with this one. I wanna defend him, us , so badly, but after everything I just said, how can I?
    “I don’t know. Obviously I don’t know anything anymore. Why else would I act the way I did on Saturday? I just wanna be a real team with Kurt, not the team everyone thinks we are.”
    “Does it matter to you what people think?”
    “Definitely not at work, but outside of it, I would have to say, yes.”
    Jesus, solve my current dilemma already! I don’t need the full monty life analysis of Chrissy. Just tell me I’m a bad, bad girl for cheating on my husband, then tell me how to bury the guilt and move on with the life I’ve spent the last twelve fucking years creating!
    “How would it feel to be how you are at work around your husband?”
    I chuckle a little.