The Other Side of Heaven by Jacqueline Druga

didn’t reply.
    “All these years. I have done
nothing but blame myself. Second-guessing every move I made that night, and you
took your own life?”
    “Mandy …”
    “How could you?” I stood and
blasted a repeat of my question. “How could you! You did it on my watch. My …
watch. I carried that with me. How could you do this to me?”
    “It wasn’t just about you.” He
stood up. “I was not the man I wanted to be. I woke up that morning in a pool
of my own piss. Do you know what that’s like? I took care of you, Mandy. It was
not your place to take care of me.”
    “Yes it was. I wanted to do it.”
    “And I didn’t want you to. It was
only going to get worse, I would get worse. I wanted you and your brother and
sister to remember me for who I was, not what I became. I didn’t want to live
like that.”
    “It wasn’t just your choice.”
    “I’m sorry. It was.”
    “Then why didn’t you come to me?
To one of us?” I asked.
    “And what? Ask you to help me
die?” He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Would you have done that?”
    “Daddy, I carried this for
decades. Decades. Blaming myself for you wandering off and drowning. You could
have at least said goodbye, said you loved us, or left a note.”
    “I did.”
    “No. There was no note.”
    “Yes, there was.”
    “No, there …” I shook my head and
when I did, in the reflection of the water I saw a vision. A scene. My mother
in the bedroom of the cabin. She was crying, packing my father’s things, and
she found the note.
    I turned and looked at my father.
He must have seen the same vision.
    “Did you know Mom found it and
never said a word?”
    “Yeah. Yeah, I did. She’s out
there somewhere. I’ll see her again.” He faced me again. “I’m sorry, Mandy. I
thought she at least told you about what happened. I thought that was why you
wanted the resolution. To ask why.”
    “No, I needed the resolution to
know I didn’t cause it. And all these years, she could have stopped that.”
    “Please don’t let that be another
burden you carry.”
    “No, I’m done.” Upon those words,
everything brightened.
    “I think it’s time to go back.”
He said.
    It was our final moment, a chance
I was robbed of and in that moment, I grabbed on to my father and embraced him.
His arms wrapped tightly around me and he planted his lips to my cheek.
    “I love you,” he said. “I have
always been so proud.”
    “I love you, too.”
    The light grew brighter. I
expected joy, to be overwhelmed with happiness, instead I felt heavy. And I
stepped from that embrace, holding my father’s hand as I moved to the lights.
    His fingers slipped from mine.
    “Mandy,” he called out. “Did you
find resolution?”
    I paused and looked at him and
then answered, “Yes. Yes I did.”
    I stepped through.
    The ability to breathe hit me
like a ton of bricks and I gasped hard.
    I was laying on the kitchen
floor, my head rested on Artie’s lap.
    “Oh, thank Jesus.” Artie said
with relief. “I called for help. They didn’t even get here yet. Did you.. Did
you do it?”
    I couldn’t speak, I honestly
couldn’t speak. However, I was able to nod, and when I did I started to sob.
Artie clutched me tight, holding on to me.
    What I needed in resolution, I
found. Even though the burden of the cause of my father’s death was lifted, I
felt the grief from the years my mother robbed of me. Years of peace and
happiness. My heart was broken and I wanted badly to release it. I would
eventually. It wasn’t what I expected. I didn’t hear what I wanted to hear. But
I saw my father, embraced him and in a sense, I went fishing with him one more
time.

20. Barbara’s Journey
     
    In our small town there were two
things that people didn’t do. One was park in Reverend Stanley’s spot at the
diner on Sunday and the other was canceling an appointment at Ricardo’s Salon.
Not only was he the best, his price was right. It took weeks to get an
appointment, longer if the