The Very Best of Robin Williams: Memories of a Comedy Legend by Dan Aldridge Page A

use a lifeline?”’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    About Sarah Palin:
     
    ‘"I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘When I was growing up they used to say, 'Robin, drugs can kill you.' Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, 'Robin, you need drugs to live.' I realise now that my doctor is also my dealer...’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is Jack Nicholson. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked everyone !’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' Joe Biden. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with Tourette's go "no..."’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    And if you're looking for Sarah Palin's new book, it is a bitch to find! I found it somewhere between fiction and non-fiction, in the fantasy aisle.
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘I'd play the Riddler in the next Batman, although it'd be hard to top Heath Ledger as the villain, and I'm a little hairy for tights. Plus, the Batman films have screwed me twice before: years ago they offered me the Joker and then gave it to Jack Nicholson, then they offered me the Riddler and gave it to Jim Carrey.’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘There's so much to talk about. The fact that Donald Trump wants to see Obama's birth certificate. I want to see his hairline first.’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘I loved working with Pacino. Al does this Method thing where before every take he roars like a lion. So my first day working with him I bleated like a goat: "What was that?!" "Hi Al, I'm here, it's just Robin, just playing." Playing scenes with him was a little surreal, because I was like, "I'm watching Al Pacino!" and then I'd realize I had to act, too.’

    COMEDY QUOTES
     
     
     
    'Some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of course he was Jewish! Thirty years old, single, lives with his parents, come on. He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish. Give it up'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘ Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'Cricket is basically baseball on Valium.'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'Never fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer – you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    ‘We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!’
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?'
     
     
     
    *
     
     
     
    'In England, if you