The Voyage of the Golden Handshake by Terry Waite Page A

- a regular happening which he hated, as he believed that most of the passengers would never remember what to do if there was a real emergency, as they hardly ever listened to the instructions given by the crew. He remembered reading somewhere about a crew-member of the Titanic who was believed to have said to an embarking passenger, ‘God himself could not sink this ship.’ He smiled as he pulled his lifejacket out of the locker. Anything can happen at sea, he thought - anything.
     
    By comparison with the events of the afternoon, the drill was a model of precision - well almost. The exclusive Balcony Passengers met by the Information Post and, as they had trodden thatway numerous times to listen to messages, they assembled without difficulty. One or two misunderstood the directions given on the cabin card and, instead of bringing with them a warm wrap and essential medicines, came loaded with heavy suitcases, into which they had thrown all their possessions. The ever-patient crew politely told them that such action was not required in future, but they complained that if the ship were to go down they would lose everything they possessed - a statement which the crew took with a pinch of salt, but extreme politeness. When all was completed, Enzo breathed a sigh of relief and returned to his cabin, to prepare himself for the first formal evening on board the SS Golden Handshake.

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    Albert and Alice returned to their Suite, and after much banging and shoving, managed to get the faulty door to admit them. It had proved rather expensive for the ship to equip each Suite with the modern-style lifejacket, and so life-belts had been supplied which the wearer had to step into and secure around their waist. They had carried these bulky objects to the drill, where they had been instructed to put them on. The return to the Suite was difficult, as both Albert and Alice when wearing the belt occupied the whole width of the corridor. It proved impossible for them to enter the narrow doorway to the Suite with the belts in place, but they managed to squeeze out of them - causing a major hold-up to others wanting also to get back to their Suites. Several passengers remarked that in the event of a disaster, it might prove difficult enough to pass through the corridor, let alone join a lifeboat.
    ‘You know,’ said Albert as he unlaced his boots in preparation for the evening’s attractions, ‘there’s not a lot of spare time on this ship. No sooner are we back here than it’s off again to some other damn thing.’
    Alice picked up the daily programme which had been delivered to their Suite.
    ‘Better get changed quick,’ she said abruptly. ‘It’s Captain’s Reception in twenty minutes, and then we have a dinner. It says formal here, so you’d better spruce up, lad.’
    Albert groaned inwardly as he recollected the shopping expedition he had been forced to make before the cruise. Never having owned a dinner jacket in his life, he was more than reluctant to splash out now, but Alice had insisted. They were going on a world cruise and he would need a decent outfit; she too would need dresses for the gala occasions that were forecast in the brochure. In the Boss Brothers branch in Grimsby, he had examined the evening suits. No matter what Alice said, he was not bending. They were far too costly to be used for one cruise only.
    ‘Well,’ said Alice, ‘we might take another cruise. What then?’
    ‘We’re not made of brass,’ he replied. ‘Come on, let’s see what they have in the second-hand depot.’
    They left Boss Brothers and walked to one of the many charity shops that enlivened the dying high street. Alice pushed Albert, past the bric-à-brac and straw hats, past the neatly ordered books and the ladies’ cast-offs until they came to a rail at the rear of the establishment. It was full of very dull shirts and even duller ties. An elderly assistant was sorting through a box of the most unsaleable-looking objects and