The Witch's Brew: A Collection of Hilarious Short Stories Starring the Wicked Witch of the West by Darrin Mason Page B

“Ahhh, look, I’m really sorry about this. I was just so damn busy I lost track of time.”
    The police officer replied, “You know I still gotta take you in. You’ve killed half a dozen people all up.”
    The Wicked Witch looked up. “God, if you really exist, please get me the hell out of here.”
    “You heard the woman, Snotty,” the Captain said. “Beam her up.”
    A beam of light came down from the sky and enveloped the Wicked Witch. Snotty pressed the BEAM HER UP button and the Wicked Witch was beamed up. She looked around the room she had been beamed into then laid eyes on the Captain. “Where am I?” she asked.
    Captain James in Nothing but a T-Shirt Including No Pants replied, “You a re on the Starship Enterprise.”
    The Wicked Witch of the West: Star Trekkin’, Across the Universe is the fifth story in the Wicked Witch series by me. If you thought this one was funny, wait until you read that one. Man, you’ll piss yourself laughing. BWAHAHAHAH!!
    Thank you, and goodnight.
     
     
     
    THE END

-------------
 
 
 
THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST
STAR TREKKING, ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

CHAPTER ONE
     
    T he Wicked Witch ran from the Mayor’s house and into an empty two-story one across the road. She ran upstairs to a bedroom and stood in front of the window. She looked out at the people running up and down the street in a fit of panic. She aimed her gun at one of them and pulled the trigger.
    SPLAT!!
    The man dropped dead on the ground. Then she aimed her gun at another person.
    KAPOW!!
    Two people dead.
    A police car pulled up outside the house and an officer called out to her. “Wendy? Is that you? What the fuck’s going on? Why the hell are you doing this?”
    The Wicked Witch thought for a moment before replying, “I don’t like Mondays. This livens up the day.”
    The officer replied, “But today’s Tuesday.”
    The Wicked Witch chewed her lip as she looked around the room. Of course it was Tuesday. “Awww shit.” She turned back to the officer. “Ahhh, look, I’m really sorry about this. I was just so damn busy I lost track of time.”
    The police officer replied, “You know I still gotta take you in. You’ve killed half a dozen people all up.”
    The Wicked Witch looked up. “God, if you really exist, please get me the hell out of here.”
    “You heard the woman, Snotty,” the Captain said. “Beam her up.”
    A beam of light came down from the sky and enveloped the Wicked Witch. Snotty pressed the BEAM HER UP button and the Wicked Witch was beamed up. She looked around the room she had been beamed into then laid eyes on the Captain. “Where am I?” she asked.
    Captain James in Nothing but a T-Shirt Including No Pants replied, “You are on the Starship Enterprise.”
    The Wicked Witch saw his Deep Space Nine Inch Erection because he wasn’t wearing any pants and her heart skipped a beat. She caught her breath, looked back up at him, and asked, “You mean ... this isn’t Heaven?”
    The Captain turned to Doctor Spocketti who shrugged his shoulders. He turned back to the Wicked Witch. “No. Should it be?”
    The Wicked Witch looked over at Snotty. He was busy looking at what he had blown into his handkerchief. It was grand and it was green. Just like her. She looked back at the Captain. “I thought it might be, seeing as I prayed to God.”
    The Captain thought for a moment then smiled. “Oh shit. We’re so sorry. We thought you were praying to Godfrey Smith , our janitor .”
    The Wicked Witch shrugged then replied, “Why the fuck would I pray to a guy that cleans bathrooms?”
    Dr Spocketti turned to the Captain with some very bad news. “Captain, I have some very bad news.”
    The Captain turned to him. “What is it, Doctor?”
    Doctor Spocketti pulled the Captain’s x-ray off the wall and held it out to him. “We believe it’s cancer of the testicle. I’m afraid we’ll have to remove it.”
    The Captain looked down at the disco balls hanging off his Deep Space Nine