There Is No Light in Darkness by Claire Contreras

people watching Cole makes me want to wrap him up in cling wrap and tuck him into a corner of my underwear drawer. It hurts me to think of my loved ones being harmed, and Cole has been through enough. We all have, but I can take the pain.
    “Cole, I need to call you back. I can’t be on the phone. I ... I’ll talk to you tomorrow or another day,” I say in a rush.
    “What?” he exclaims. “What do you mean tomorrow or another day?” he emphasizes, growling the last two words.
    “I gotta go, Cole,” I say quickly.
    “Why? Talk to me, damn it,” he shouts angrily.
    “There’s nothing to talk about,” I reply evenly.
    “I know you’ve been crying, Blake.”
    “Yeah, well, I’m always crying,” I sigh.
    “No, you’re not. You never cry during the day.”
    I laugh—a real laugh. That’s such a stupid thing to say. As if there’s a right time to cry.
    “You’re an idiot. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for making me laugh,” I say with a smile as I shake my head in disbelief.
    “You know what I mean,” he replies quickly, and I can picture him stopping in the middle of his pace wherever he is. “We’re not done talking, Blake. I need you to forgive me,” he whispers. My heart drops when he says that, and I close my eyes to stop fresh tears from flowing out.
    “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” I reply quietly.
    He exhales into the phone. “You’re the only one that matters, baby.”
    “Stop calling me that,” I say in a shaky voice. “I have to go.”
    I hang up before he can say anything else. I make a mental note not to speak to him on the phone through the landline. I need to find out if people can tap cell phones. I look outside and smile at the cloudless day. I figure I might as well enjoy the warm weather while it’s here, so I decide to go to the park for a while before I head to the grocery store.
    I walk around Grant Park and fill my insides with warm fresh air. I snap some photos for a couple of tourists and pick a spot to sit in. Herds of people are walking toward the river in their beach gear. It makes me wish I would have brought my bathing suit. I could use a tan. A couple of teenage boys are throwing their football around me. It makes me laugh, and I remember my teenage days and how no teenage boy would dare to get near me. Oh, Cole, you were such a dick back then. Still are.
    When I get up, I saunter over a couple of steps to where the ball landed. I bend over, pick it up, and look up in time to see four ogling eyes. I laugh quietly and throw it back over to them. I’m not sure what they’re more impressed about—that I threw it back or that a pretty girl can throw a football. Either way, loud cheers, laughter, and a couple of “Tommy, she’s got a better arm than you!” break out all at once. I laugh loudly and tell them to have a good day as I walk away.
    I head down the stairs of the train station and through the long hallway to wait for it. As I stand around listening to groups of teenagers talk about their summer adventures, I can’t help but wish I were their age again. I’d do anything to be young and naive. I would love to go back and slap myself for all the times I spent on Google and other sites trying to find out who my parents were—instead of enjoying my careless life. I look around and see a couple of homeless people, the same ones that are usually in this station. It makes me sad to think that they have nobody. I know I’m an orphan, but I have a family: Maggie, Greg, Becky, Aubry, and Cole. They’re my family, and they’re a damn good family. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
    I’m grateful that I have them in my life. I know I could be a totally messed up, angry, and depressed individual because of the cards I was dealt. Instead, Shelley helped shape me into a positive person, and Maggie continued to help me grow from there. I get sad sometimes. It makes me angry that I have nightmares. It