entitled to your feelings. It is dangerous out there.
But life is dangerous. Your husband was a cop. Didn’t you know it would be
dangerous every time he left for work?”
“He chose that danger and I knew
what I was signing up for as a cop’s wife. I didn’t sign up for the zombie
apocalypse.”
“None of us did, sweetie. We get
what we get and we make the best of it a day at a time. Always been that way.
Always will.”
“Okay,” she replied, sitting up
straighter. “But I’m not doing this every week. You get better, you hear?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She was still laughing as she left
Emily to rest and shut the door quietly. The humor died like ashes on her
tongue as she gazed around the yard and spotted everyone getting ready to head
to Sunday services at the church. At least the Rogue Vantage had enough of wanting
church-going and stayed quietly at the camp on Sundays. They’d gone once and
refused to go again. She’d tried to get them to talk about it, but even
talkative chatterbox Dylan just shook his head and walked away.
Anxiety bit into her nerves. She
swallowed deeply and closed her eyes. Deep breaths brought the lightheadedness
under control. A shadow fell over her eyelids. Her eyes opened and Teddy stood
before her. His face freshly shaved and in a clean shirt and jeans.
“Do I look okay?” Her fingers
smoothed over the fabric of her one and only dress. It fell to below her knees and
just above her socks and hiking boots. She felt like an actress for a Little
House on the Prairie remake. She hadn’t felt this pure and virginal since
junior high.
“Michelle, you look beautiful in
everything you wear. But you aren’t worried about that dress. You’re worried
about going outside. Now’s the time to change your mind if you’re going to go with
us or not. No one is forcing you. This is your choice.”
She shook her head. “I have to do this
for Emily and I have to do it for myself. I’ll end up with agoraphobia if I
don’t do this soon. We’ve been here six months and I haven’t even gone to the
field for the trading or shooting practice.”
“Agoraphobia?” He looked around at
the asphalt ground and the deep-blue sky. “We are outside, you know.”
She lightly punched his arm.
“Metaphorically speaking, silly. I’ve been hiding behind these walls and inside
these motor homes as if they could protect me. I should know that there is no
protection anymore, shouldn’t I?”
He clasped her arms and pulled her
in close. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
She hugged him. “I won’t let
anything happen to you either.”
Her abundant confidence lasted just
long enough for the front gate to start rolling back. The squeak of the wheels
along the pavement grated on her nerves. Since the gate only opened enough for
one person at a time, they lined up and went through like the endless wait at
an amusement park. Her nervous giggle at the thought turned into tremors shaking
her whole body. Her teeth chattered like the dead of winter until she clamped her
mouth shut.
As they neared the front of the
group, her steps grew smaller and smaller and she moved slower and slower. Her
vision brightened. The blue of Teddy’s shirt blazed in front of her. The yellow
of the head wrap on Beth intensified to dazzling sunlight. The red of Jed’s
sweatshirt bloomed like a wildfire. Her knees locked and trembled. Goosebumps
rose on her arms. She couldn’t breathe and her vision tunneled to gray at the
edges.
Someone grabbed her arms and
whispered in her ear. “It’s okay. You can do this. The first time will be the
hardest.”
She opened her eyes wide and saw
Teddy in front of her, his dark eyes comforting and warm. His rough hands ran
up and down her arms in a gentle caress. Her breath slowed and her heart
stopped racing.
“I can do this.”
He smiled. “Yes you can.”
He took her hand and walked backward
through the gate opening, pulling her along in a slow walk. Her breath