Vulgarian Vamp (A Wendy Darlin Comedy Mystery Book 5) by Barbara Silkstone

torch the abbey and slaughter the friars.”
    “Brother,” Roger said his eyes teary pinwheels.
    Bram stepped back, struggling to process the full meaning of the word.
    Roger’s life had been a quest for his baby brother, so Bram was always on Roger’s radar. He knew he had a brother.
    Bram understood that he was an orphan raised by the Church. The existence of a brother clearly shocked him. The Jolleys had been raised in different worlds but despite all that had happened and all they didn’t know, they’d found each other.
    The brothers embraced squashing the little vampire between them.
    I leaned against a cask feeling weak at the knees.
    Kit tugged at my elbow. “I don’t believe that vampire kept to her diet. Squirl said someone is drinking the blood of the elderly Louts. At least once a month they lose a senior citizen to empty blood vessels.”
    Confrontation was my middle name. I stepped into the center of the circle. “I have it on good authority that someone is snacking on the old folks in the village.” I looked pointedly at Mina.
    “Hiccup! Not me. I’m strictly a wine drinker. It’s good for your heart.”
    She swung from Bram’s leg twisting like a pole dancer, her pale little hands in stark contrast to the priest’s black trouser legs.
    “So if you’re a vegan vampire, are you the only bloodsucker in town?”
    “I am the only vampire in Loutish!” she said. The force of her words spinning her around his leg. She hiccupped on her return swing.
    “If Mina is the only bloodsucker, then who is Vlad the baby stealer?”

Chapter Fifteen
    “Vlad?” Mina stuck her head from between the Jolley brother’s legs. “Never heard of him.”
    “He steals babies. Does that sound familiar?” I said.
    “Only gypsies and vampires steal babies,” she snuggled back in the nest of legs.
    That was reassuring—Mina being both a gypsy and a vampire.
    Bram seemed to find the investigator-priest in himself. “Why did you stake the bodies?” his voice was soft but authoritative.
    “If the Louts thought they were staked they might not garlic and behead the bodies,” Mina said. “We hoped someone would come from Rome to investigate before the villagers pulled the plugs. And it was you!” She hugged Bram and shoved Roger away.
    “Who actually did the staking?” I asked.
    “Me! I’m small but strong.” She flexed her bicep and giggled.
    Bram stared at her while Roger stared at Bram. A stare-off ensued.
    I figured this was a good time to ask a favor and break the surreal stupor surrounding the moment. “Father Bram, would you perform our marriage? An end and a beginning.”
    Roger reached out and took my hand, then Bram’s. “It would be a perfect closure, brother.”
    Bram cracked a smile and a lovely smile it was. I instinctively returned his grin. My almost brother-in-law flashed a frown when he spotted the gap in my front teeth.
    I popped my hand over my mouth. “A slight accident,” I said from behind my palm.
    Bram took my hand from my face. “I would be honored to bless your union. But first let us make arrangements to protect the monks’ bodies. They must be hidden until the Vatican Vampire Investigators arrive.”
    Roger hugged his brother again. The Jolley boys performed a weepy guy-back pat hug.
    Mina harrumphed, pulling them apart with her little fingers.
    I stepped back and took stock of our situation. Thirty-nine or maybe forty dead monks needed concealing. What had I learned about hiding dead bodies in Florida real estate school? No so much. That was a Jersey thing.
    Surveying the wine cellar, I caught Kit staring at me. He had such faith in my ability to pull rabbits out of hats. This would be one of my most weird hat tricks.
    Where could we duck dead friars until the Vatican cops arrive? We were definitely dealing with thirty-nine bodies. Edward, the fortieth monk, could wait till he came out of hiding.
    I sat on a cask being careful not to let it roll. If I were looking for a covey